Whereas some people are of the opinion that an ex should simply be that – past love, others are of the opinion that one can take them back under some circumstances. Whatever category you fall in, never say never. We give you a three-step plan to guide you while getting back with an ex.
First you had a series of heated arguments, and then he went silent on you and later on dumped you via a text message (ouch!) leaving you deeply hurt. Apparently, he is now back claiming that he is a changed man and is sorry for hurting you. He is begging for another chance and he sounds very convincing. You have a never-take-an-ex-back policy but are now reconsidering it. What to do? Consider the following.
Give the decision some serious thought. There are some questions that are worth asking yourself before you take him back. For instance, what makes you think your relationship will work this time? What makes you think that he has changed? What if he hurts you again? These concerns are valid and not at all misplaced, more so if it was one of those nasty break ups. However, like with many situations, there are exceptions. Your past relationship may have been riddled with issues that eventually led to a break up and at times the time-out you both got after parting ways may just be what will make your new relationship stronger in the long run. But this will only apply if you have found a way to address and resolve your issues and both of you are willing to give it one more try.
Discuss the past. This may be a thorny area but it is vital that you discuss what went wrong and how it can be resolved. It may seem blurry at the moment because you both want to get back together so badly, but remember that there is a reason you broke up. What went wrong and how can it be fixed and dealt with in the future? Discuss this and act on it. Both of you are going to have to compromise, forgive each other and yourselves, and let go of past hurts if you want this new relationship to work.
Take things slow. When you have adequately dealt with your rocky past, you can put it behind you and move on. However, just because you have decided to give each other another chance does not mean it is going to be easy. Don’t ignore this just because there has been some familiarity before in the hope that you will pick up where you left. You should pay attention to the fact that both of you have changed since you parted ways and therefore you need to invest in time and effort to get reacquainted with each other again. It would be best to treat this as a new relationship and get to know each other anew. Question your reasons for getting back together and why you are willing to make it work this time around.
It is worth noting that getting back with an ex doesn’t always work out. In fact, things could go horribly wrong. Acknowledge the fact that some exes are worth it while others are not, but this should be clear by the time you reach the third step provided above.
Published April 2017…