It’s so great to meet someone, where the chemistry is there. You feel the excitement of a “love connection.” The stimulating conversation and similar values you share with them -give you reason to believe: this is a person you’d enjoy getting to know for a possible relationship.
Wrong! That may not be what’s happening.
After a few dates, it becomes clear that this charmer has no interest in an intimate and meaningful relationship with you. His real agenda is only to have sex with you.
So, if you frequently have the experience of telling a friend, “He seemed so charming and interested in a relationship but turned out to be interested in only one thing,” – then you’re missing the warning signs: all you are is a booty call.
Most charming and intelligent men (i.e. players) who are only interested in sexual relationships are smart enough to avoid sexual conversation when they first meet you. Their goal is make you feel safe and seducible by giving you the impression – they are not like “all the rest.” To avoid being romantically disappointed, be aware of these ten (10) signs that you are being used for sex.
1. He only notices how you look. While it’s great when someone appreciates your appearance and how terrific you look, you want to be loved and adored for your inner qualities, too. Men who are sincerely interested in a relationship with you – will compliment you for qualities such as your intelligence, sense of humor and values. Men who are focused on having sex with you will tell you how great your hair looks or hot your ass looks in that dress. Be wary of men who become over-familiar with you before you’ve had a chance to develop an intimate relationship with them over time.
What to do: Next time he makes a comment about your looks, ask him to tell you what inner qualities about you he likes (e.g intelligence, creativity, sense of humor).
2. Conversations always turns sexual. When he phones to talk with you and regardless of the topic – he finds a way to bring sex into the conversation. You tell him about your successful sales presentation and he remarks how about how the client probably couldn’t take his eyes off you because you’re so beautiful and look so hot in your business suit. When you tell him you can hardly wait to go home and just soak in a hot bath, he’s quick to tell you, he wishes he could be there to wash your back.
What to do: Let him know that what really turns you on is when his comments don’t bring sex into the conversation.
3. Texts and emails are flirty and sexual. You can tell so much about a man’s interest in you by the content of his communication. Players, who only have a sexual interest in you, use texts and emails as opportunities to turn the discussion into sexual conversation. You just got home and are unwinding, he texts, “What are you wearing right now?” You’re shopping for vegetables at the grocery store, he texts, “Wouldn’t it be hot to make love right their among the strawberries?”
By contrast, men who are sincerely interested in you will ask how you feel? How’s your work project coming along? They’ll ask about the big account you’re trying to close or how your annual review went with your boss.
What to do: Don’t respond to the content of his text. Instead, verbally tell him the areas of your life you invite him to be curious about (see previous paragraph).
4. Dates are pizza at your place. Men who are interested in courting you and getting to know you – want to be out in public, doing things with you, whether it’s going to a gallery opening or a chic new restaurant for a romantic dinner. Men who are only interested in sex don’t want to invest time or money in developing a relationship with you. They are looking for convenience and the easiest way to gratify their needs. Be weary of men whose idea of getting together is, “I’ll just pick up a pizza…or how about Chinese food tonight?” They are interested in a booty call. That’s fine if that’s what you want. But a booty call is not a date.
Remember: men who want to be your boyfriend take you on dates, whereas men who only want you as a f*ck buddy take you to their place (or meet you at yours).
What to do: Don’t accept a dinner invitation where he picks up dinner. Instead, let him know that you want to go out for a casual dinner.
5. Their idea of entertainment is watching a movie or listening to music. Men who are interested in developing a relationship with you, want to share activities and cultural events with you. They want to get to know you better to make sure you’re a fit for them, too. It’s important they make a good impression on you that says: “I’m an interesting man who enjoys doing different things.” They want to know if you’re compatible with each other in many areas – not just sexually.
A man who just wants to bed you, realizes that bringing over pizza under the guise of a date won’t fly very long. So, to placate you and even deal with the boredom he may feel in your company, he’ll suggest you get together to watch a movie or listen to music at your place (or his). This creates the illusion that you’re doing more than just having sex when you’re together. But his planned goal is always to have sex when the movie is finished.
What to do: Don’t agree to watching a video at your place. Instead, suggest an activity that gets you out of your place.
6. He gets angry if you don’t want to have sex. When a man loves your company and enjoys being with you – he just wants to be near you. You can invite him over to play a board game or to watch a movie. When you’re done, you can say, “Hey…I’m tired and I have an early day at work.” He’s happy that you hung out together and satisfied just being in your company. Even though, you normally have sex, he’s Ok that you haven’t and content to share a hug and a passionate kiss.
But when you tell a man who’s using you for sex, “Thanks for coming over tonight but I have to wake up and drive to the airport for a very early flight,” – he’ll pressure you to have quick sex. If you aren’t receptive, he may become extremely angry at not getting his way.
What to do: If he gets upset at your refusal of sex, don’t argue. Just say goodnight.
7. Hug, kiss and then straight to your bedroom. In a relationship where someone is excited about knowing you, curious about your life and what you think, there are so many things to talk about. In a relationship where someone is only interested in using you for sex, there’s nothing important to discuss. A man who’s using you for sex doesn’t want to spend time chitchatting about your day or what you think about the big events in the news. That crash in the Andes that killed 200 people, or the latest terrorist act by ISIS, or whether Hillary Clinton can win the Democratic nomination are not worth discussing. Instead, he’s quick to grab your hand and march you over to the bedroom to have sex with you.
What to do: As soon as you sense you’re being pushed into a bedroom scenario where you’ll be used for sex, stop and tell him that you aren’t in the mood and would prefer having a chance to just visit.
8. Foreplay is over quickly. When a man truly likes you, respects you and sees you as a prospect for a long-term relationship, he begins to have intimate feelings for you. He moves from having sex with you to wanting to make love to you. Foreplay can last a long time because it’s so enjoyable to hug, kiss and touch everywhere. The joy is in the journey – not the destination of an orgasm. The man who wants to sexually use you doesn’t need much kissing or touching. His body is ready for the sex act quickly and he’s not thinking about your satisfaction. He’s thinking only about his gratification. You are a sexual object to him.
What to do: If you sense foreplay is being rushed, stop and gently ask him to slow down so that you can catch up.
9. He never wants to spend the night. Obviously, some times it’s not convenient for new lovers to automatically spend the night after having sex. But the man who wants to have a real and intimate relationship with you, wants to know what’s like to lay in bed after sex and just talk. He wants to know what it’s like to wake up together and have some morning juice and a cup of coffee. To him, it’s part of developing a warm, close connection with you.
The man who uses you for sex will have 100 excuses for why he can’t spend the night (or why you can’t stay over at his place). His excuses are familiar: “Got a big thing happening at work tomorrow,” or “Got a big thing with some friends,” or “My family is having a big thing going on.” The reason why is that he doesn’t want to share an intimate relationship with you. Sex is what he wants; and now that he’s gotten it, there’s no reason to stay (or, he wants you to go).
What to do: If spending the night is important to you, invite him to stay before you have sex. If he chronically makes excuses for not staying the night, just accept that he’s not interested in an intimate relationship with you or let him know you’re looking for a more intimate connection with someone you have sex with.
10. When you hear from him, you feel like you’re a booty call. A man who values you and wants to get to know you, because he’s interested in a relationship, makes you feel special and treats you considerately. While he can be spontaneous, he usually calls in advance to make plans. You spend more time out of bed doing things and enjoying each other’s company.
But a man who’s using you for sex thinks nothing of calling you at 1:00 AM or sending you a text to come over. While no scientific studies have been done to confirm it, there is a lot of sociologic evidence to suggest that anyone out on the streets after 12 midnight, is on his way to a booty call. The question: is that man on his way to your place?
What to do: Unless you’re using him for sex, dump him, because he’s only interested in you for sex.