It is one thing to have sex and another thing to give good sex. Often, many people question their sex game especially since asking one’s partner how sex was may bring out issues of low self-esteem. Figuring out if you are good in bed can thus be tricky and the best one can do is to hope they are above average. Here are ways to tell whether you are good in bed or not. Be the judge…
Being good in bed is an art and like any other art, it needs practice, dedication and focus to bring out the A-game.
But unlike many forms of art, gauging oneself sexually can be a bit tricky especially if you don’t know which metrics to use. Most couples are also dishonest with themselves and thus end up settling for mediocre sex, as they do not want to hurt their partners’ feelings. Indeed, it is a rarity for one’s sexual partner to admit that their partner sucks in bed. At the end of the day, it is only you who can deduce on your own how good (or bad) you are at sex. So what are the telltale signs?
You are big on foreplay: Foreplay is the starting point of any sexual activity and it may last a few seconds to several minutes. If you are the type who is willing to give your partner some good tender loving care before the actual sex, then consider yourself good in bed. Sex, like most things in life, should not be rushed. Pay attention to detail and take your time pleasing your partner for better results. Many people score below average in foreplay because they underestimate its power in the sexual arena.
You’re confident: Confidence is sexy and brings out one’s inner prowess. People who exhibit confidence in other arenas such as career tend to bring this confidence in the bedroom and you know what they say, ‘Confidence always wins.’ If you approach bedroom matters with the confidence of a lion and a surety that you are the best, then you will be the best. Hence it all boils down to believing in your ability to deliver your best. Research shows that people who take the lead in bed or initiate action tend to be better sexual partners than those who don’t. So try not to be shy in bed.
Being confident about your body, feeling sexy and having a positive body image are other fundamental qualities that make you a great lover. Confidence enhances your libido while allowing you to be intensely immersed in the sexual experience.
You believe that any time can be sex time: Whom are we kidding? Sex, even the thought of it, can be exhausting. However, there are those who take the excuses a little bit far with excuses and counter excuses on why they just can’t have sex at any given moment. But our bodies are wired differently and it is not all times that you and your partner will want sex at the same times. In actual fact, more are the times when one partner wants a good lay while the other is not in the mood, and it is understandable. Let us be guided by the mathematics of good sex that goes: saying yes more than no. A simple and often overlooked quality of being great sexually is being approachable by your partner. Unless you are on your deathbed, always welcome the opportunity to have sex.
You’re playful in bed: Sex is not just meant for procreation: if anything, sex is adult time for recreation. Being playful in bed creates a conducive environment for wild sex. It also goes without saying that sex should be fun and this is why individuals who are playful in bed are regarded as great sexual partners. If you score lowly in this area, aim to be playful and show your enjoyment so that you and your partner can get the most out of the experience.
Along with the fun, sex can be a messy affair and a little gross at times. There are the accidental farts, a bursting condom, premature ejaculation and what not. If not handled well, this can make either partner to freak out or even lose interest in sex. Don’t make a fuss out of it and move on. On that note, never have sex out of obligation for it sucks out the fun in it: embrace the fact that you have libido that needs to be fed.
Understand that sex is a give and take affair: People who are great in bed understand that sex is a two-way traffic. After all, isn’t all fair in love and war? You cannot give 60 per cent and expect 100 per cent especially if you are anticipating great sex. The kings and queens of the bedroom are those who give themselves fully and unapologetically to their partner while allowing the same space to them so that both are satisfied when all has been said and done.
You are a good communicator: And this goes beyond the moans and shouts when you are orgasming. Communication is key in any relationship and more so when it comes to sex. A 2011 study revealed that people who communicate about sex both in and out of the bedroom have better sex than those who don’t talk about it at all. Communicating about sex involves being candid about feedback, suggestions and direction. Your partner will never know how to please you unless you tell and show them where it tingles most. In addition, it is through communication that you and your partner will be able to align your sexual expectations. Great sexual partners communicate verbally and non-verbally before, during and after sex.
You don’t mind adventure: Being great in bed is synonymous with willingness to try out new things in new places. Sex that relies on only one position and one place has no fun at all and this explains why adventurous people are regarded as being great in sex. This is especially important for couples who are in the relationship for a long, long time. Throwing in a new position or suggesting to have sex at a place outside your comfort zone will definitely up your sex ratings.
You are spontaneous: Sex can be boring, no doubt. This calls for spontaneity so as to break the monotony of sex at the right place, right time and right position. If you are the type that grabs your better half in the middle of the day for sex, then you score favourably in the sex scorecard. Do you tiptoe on your partner while they are doing the dishes to kiss their neck, growl in their ears and initiate sex? Then there is a good chance that you make a good lover in bed. It is the little things in life that matter and when it comes to sex, it is the little things you do to excite your partner that increase your ratings.
Your partner always wants a repeat performance: Have you ever visited a city and loved everything about it that you make a mental note to return during the next holiday season? Or have you ever visited a restaurant with a service so good that you make it your go-to eatery? The same applies with sex. If, after a sexual encounter, your partner keeps coming back for more, that is a sure ticket that you are doing a good job underneath the sheets. Keep it up!
You’re present: We get it; there are bills to be paid, meals to be prepared, babies to be looked after and that report that your boss has been following up on for the last one week. As hard as it may be, you need to switch off your mind from the outside world and concentrate on the task at hand, which is sex. Great lovers are those who immerse themselves – body, mind and soul – in the sexual activity. They are those who are vulnerable and allow themselves to be swept away in the pleasure. People who are not detached from the sexual experience make great lovers.
You feel connected to your partner: Many sexologists agree that the crux of good sex lies in two people feeling a sense of connection to each other. It is also a fact that sex, and a good one at that is not just a mere physical experience. Sex is a shared, meaningful experience. Great lovers connect with their partners beyond the physical level and permeate into their emotional, psychological and social realms. Great sex is about intimacy and there can be no intimacy without connection. In addition, sex should be seen as a place where one feels loved, appreciated and free to fully express themselves. Great lovers are thus those that go out of their way to ensure their partners feel at home around them.
Published April 2017…