Overcoming psychological impotence

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It may have happened to you. You begun feeling sexually aroused but were unable to have an erection, or you had an erection but couldn’t complete sexual intercourse. You must have gone into a frenzy, fearing that the dreaded impotency had finally hit home! That was just psychological impotence whereby you thought you had sexual inabilities.

Don’t take the rope and hang yourself. No man can claim to be potent at all times. There are variations in normal potency, and almost all men experience some failure at some point in their lives. It happens when you do anything that lowers the body’s vitality such as being greatly fatigued, consuming heavy doses of alcohol or drugs, or even poor health, poor nutrition and lack of exercise.

Thus an occasional incident of impotence is quite normal. It should only be thought of as a problem if it is a regular occurrence. Many cases, indeed nine in ten, are psychological as is often shown by ability to have erection (and orgasm) from self-masturbation or during sleep, but not in a sexual relationship. Such impotence typically involves men who have experienced intercourse to orgasm normally at a past stage in their lives, and who may eventually return to this. However, in a few cases of deep psychological disturbance, a man may never have had an erection in any circumstance.

There are many causes of psychological impotence. Some of them include fear of the consequences of sexual intercourse like pregnancy or venereal diseases, resentment or dislike towards your partner, or that you will miss the score at the crucial moment. If you keep thinking that you will fail as if you are on trial, you definitely will fail.

This includes fear that one will fail to ‘perform impressively’ or fail to please their partner just like when you fear pre-mature ejaculation or that you are becoming impotent. Such fear may be set off by a single incident or particular situation, or by the impact of one’s own or one’s partner’s sexual difficulties. There are, however, those deep-rooted that can be traced to your early experiences, including a traumatic experience when you first attempted intercourse.

Consequently, you feel a distaste of sexual activity or resentment toward women in general. The one that conquers them all is simply the fear of failure. Premature ejaculation, for instance, can set up a self-consciousness that eventually ends in impotence. Thereafter, a vicious circle of impotence and fear of impotence may be established.

 How do you treat impotence?

Physical therapy built on a basis of communication and love can cure this problem. It relies on the principle that sex is a form of communication. This is where your partner comes in because successful therapy depends on the goodwill of both of you, your ability to learn to relax and your realisation that sex is not primarily a matter of successful performances.

Practice sensate focus exercises. This entails both of you lying naked, stroking and feeling each other’s bodies, but not the breasts or genitals. No intercourse please! You should learn to relax and experience sexual pleasure free from any demand. At first, clumsiness, self-consciousness and embarrassed humour are likely to happen but genuine enjoyment soon begins. Later, you may move towards touching breasts and genitals as you guide each other and explain what is most pleasurable.

You can then progress to more specific manual manipulation, with the man guiding the woman’s hand. Don’t attempt at intercourse as yet, but if erection occurs, allow it to go, then to re-establish itself. Once you easily obtain erection, the woman should position herself striding towards the man. First she should only try to keep the penis within her vagina and later begin gentle, non-demanding thrusts. Finally, the man can join in slow thrusting, but with no goal of ejaculating or satisfying her. Orgasm is acceptable if it happens. And you’ve won the game!

Published on March 2013

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