Your SEX questions ANSWERED!

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Admittedly, sex is still a taboo topic in our society and thus many of us shudder at the thought of asking pressing sex questions. However, it is vital to address your sex concerns to enable you enjoy it more and put your mind at ease.  From sex injuries to smelly ‘downstairs’, we have gathered the answers to some of the burning (pun intended) and most common sex questions you are too afraid to ask. Here goes…

1. Passing gas during sex normal?

Very. According to Dr Hyla Cass, author of 8 Weeks to Vibrant Health, it’s common and normal and that at one time or the other, everyone gets to experience it. She adds that for women, bearing the weight of a man causes gas to be passed especially if its combined with letting go of the anal sphincter (a part of the body that controls the closing and opening of the anus). When you orgasm, the muscles around your genitals relax hence it’s perfectly normal for a little gas to escape. Oops!

One way to control this is by taking over-the-counter anti-gas medicine some few hours before intercourse. However, an even better idea would be not to worry about it for if you are comfortable enough to have sex with someone, then this little natural function should be the least of your worries.

2. When do I know if the smell down there is normal or as a result of infection? Almost all women worry that they have an unpleasant smell and the joke that one smells like fish doesn’t help matters. While it’s normal to have a slight vaginal odour, strong vaginal odour might be abnormal and an indicator of an underlying health problem. Notably, an abnormal vaginal odour is usually accompanied with itching, burning sensation, discharge or irritation. Culprits of vaginal infection are bacterial infection, yeast infections, sexually transmitted infections and urine on your vulvar skin at the end of the day. Experts recommend the finger test if you are in doubt: put a finger in your vagina and smell. A healthy smell is just a bit sour. Seek medical attention if you suspect it’s an infection. Avoid douches and feminine sprays, which can irritate and alter the vagina’s pH, increasing your risk of getting an infection or masking an existing infection.

3. It’s okay to have sex when one is expectant? 

It can be awkward to consider intercourse when one’s partner is expecting especially if it is the first pregnancy. The thought that a life is budding inside your wife can make one get cold feet and postpone sex till after delivery. The good news is that sex is okay during pregnancy especially if there are no other issues and your doctor hasn’t told you otherwise. And sex needn’t be boring during this time as there are a number of sex positions that will guarantee you great sex whatever trimester you are in. After all, the baby will soon be here and you will neither have the time nor energy to enjoy sex for a while. So make it count it while you can. 

4. My sexual desire has dipped. Am I doomed?

Decrease in or lack of sexual desire can be attributed to several factors including health conditions, emotional trauma, physical and psychological issues, among others. It is imperative that you recognise the root cause of the problem and deal with it if you are to enjoy sex again. Another way of counteracting decrease in libido is by understanding what gets you in the mood. Focus on what arouses you and visualise on the concepts and type of touch that you find exciting and guide you partner to offer just that. Decrease in sexual desire is not a permanent condition because with the right stimuli, you will be primed for sex regardless of time and place.

5. Ouch! That hurts. Should sex be painful?

Sex will, at one point or the other, hurt and if it does, it ruins the moment and can lead to fear of sex or diminished sex drive. While it is normal to sometimes experience pain during sex, it could also be a pointer to a serious health condition for both men and women and if it persists, consult a doctor. Some drugs, medical conditions and one’s anatomy can also make sex painful. The good thing is that these are temporary and can be treated. If the cause is not an underlying health problem, then insufficient lubrication is, in most cases, the culprit. Be sure to have a lubricant ready for action just in case your natural lubricant decides to miss in action.

6. Will my vagina change after giving birth?

Gladly,  no. Truth be told no one goes through labour and delivery without vaginal changes, as it is absolutely normal for the vagina to stretch especially during normal delivery. The healing process takes around six to eight weeks and you should be back to enjoying healthier and happier sex. It is possible to restore the pelvic floor muscles through exercise such as Kegels, which are instrumental in getting your vagina and bladder back into shape after having a baby. Regular exercise can lead to an even better sexual experience.

7. How much lubrication should I produce?

The two sides of the coin here are: some women worry they produce too much lubrication while others worry they produce little to nothing at all. There’s probably nothing wrong with producing too much (and cabbages aren’t to blame) or too little. The amount of lubrication produced is affected by diet, medications, alcohol intake, menopause, water intake, menstrual cycle and breastfeeding. If you’re concerned you’re not wetting enough, using lubrication can come in handy. What’s more, the lubricant’s slippery feeling will turn you on even more.

8. I have never had an orgasm during sex. Am I normal?

Only a handful of women can admit to reaching orgasm every time they have sex. However, there is no physical reason why many woman should not orgasm unless there is something interfering with it such as pain or medication. Many women expect to orgasm from sex alone but as experts advise, the surefire way of climaxing is through clitoral stimulation. The clitoris, which is the equivalent of a penis in men, needs to be stimulated for orgasm. It is noteworthy that the more direct the stimulation, the better the experience. Ask your partner for oral sex or he gets hands-on with it and you should be on your way to seventh heaven. If you are a man reading this, just know that touching her clitoris before and during sex ups the chances of her reaching orgasm. So lend a hand.

9. Where is my G-Spot?

Aha! This is the ultimate million-dollar sex question. But does it really exist? Well, one school of thought claims it is a myth while the other swears by it but differ about its exact location. Whether it does exist or not, if your partner is doing the right thing, does it really matter? You just need to know what excites you and capitalise on it.

10. Can my penis break during intercourse?

Technically no. But it can get fractured, sort of, during vigorous sex or masturbation by bending it accidentally. An erect penis is engorged with blood and forcefully bending it can lead to a serious injury. If it happens, treatment will involve an awkward conversation with the doctor and surgery. Luckily, there won’t be any permanent damage to either your member or ego.

11. What is squirting? Squirting when a woman releases fluid around the urethra due to intense G-spot stimulation. It is what experts call the female ejaculation. It is not urine as most people tend to think and it’s not something that happens to women all the time.

12. Why do I sometimes feel like peeing during sex? The urge to pee during sex is actually a good thing as it shows that your partner is hitting all the right spots and in the right way. It is also a precursor to orgasm. Don’t be afraid to relax, as it is unlikely that you will pee unless your bladder is really full or you are suffering from fistula.

Published in July 2016

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