Relationships and marriages are a puzzle to many, and each is as unique as the persons involved. Naturally, almost everyone tends to fall in love with their partner’s most attractive traits and it is out of these that people commit. However, the real challenge begins as the relationship becomes rooted and couples get comfortable. Familiarity breeds contempt, and more often than not, couples are forced to adjust for the relationship to survive.
To want change is natural; even better is when the change is spontaneous and not coerced. This is because:
Force brings opposition and resentment
Have you ever tried to forcibly get your spouse to change? It didn't go so well, did it? Well, if human nature is any indication, it is not change we resist but change imposed on us. Forcibly trying to change your spouse can do more damage than good for both of you.
So, if you've contemplated or even tried to get your partner to change, here are a few tips to help you along:
Help your partner be their best self
As much as you may long to change your partner, it would be best if you encouraged them to be their best self. This is an admirable quality of a supportive partner.
Work on fixing you, not them
Instead of changing your spouse or trying to get them to, ask what you can do to improve your marriage. Look for the things you can improve about yourself that would be beneficial to your marriage in the long run and work on them.
When you work on yourself, it will not take long before your partner starts to adjust without you having to push them. Be supportive and less critical. Moreover, changing what you don't like about yourself makes you a better person.
Take responsibility for your actions
You have to stop blaming your spouse for all your relationship problems. Just because you mean well doesn't mean that it will work. What will help you is taking responsibility, which will inspire your spouse to do the same.
Stop expecting your marriage to improve unless you are willing to strengthen your character. The outcome of your marriage is not an accident or a mystery. It is the direct consequence of daily occurrences between you and your spouse.
Always remember that there are two related qualities to a successful marriage: forgiveness and a certain amount of easygoingness. Throughout your married life, you both will make mistakes.
If you can realize that everyone is prone to making mistakes, stop exerting and forgive a little more, you can love a little longer. We are not like machines, and if you can't let things go, you will never make it through life together.
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