At the onset of many relationships, people tend to be too excited and thereby act too available and needy by constantly wanting to spend all their time with their newly found love. While they may think this is healthy for their relationship, it can work against them as they tend to give out all power of control. Don’t want this happen to you? Here are suggestions to get you started.
Have a life: Just because you are in a relationship does not mean that you drop everything else in your life and give your all to the relationship. Ensure you retain your independence by continuing to give attention to those things that interest you. For instance, if you enjoy going to musical concerts with friends, find time to keep this going. This will give you some independence so that you stop being at the beck and call of your partner. Having a life of your own makes you come across as strong and independent but it doesn’t mean you don’t need your partner. Instead, it shows that you are capable of doing things on your own, which gives you power. Your partner will admire you for this independence and you will feel more in 2control of the relationship.
Don’t be afraid to speak up: A lot of times people are afraid of demanding for what they want in a relationship, as they are afraid to rock the boat. One of the ways to regain your power in a relationship is to speak up and clearly demand for what you want and how you want to be treated. Be polite but firm about what is acceptable or not acceptable; otherwise don’t assume your partner will automatically know everything on how to handle you. If you are in a relationship where your partner knows he or she can get away with anything, then you have lost your power and respect. Learn to stand up for yourself and if your partner is unwilling to meet you at least halfway, don’t be afraid to walk away.
Take your time: There is no easier way to lose your power than to rush through a relationship. It is important to take things slow and figure out what you want from a relationship before committing to it as this could save you a lot of heartache. Don’t be caught up in the psychology that your biological clock is ticking; it is better to be late as per society’s expectations and get it right than to rush only for you to regret for the rest of your life. Even as you get into a relationship, ensure your level of interest is not greater than that of your partner. By acting a little less interested and being emotionally in control, you will have more power over your relationship. Avoid taking things too seriously too early on in your relationship until your new lover has 4shown commitment.
Don’t always be available: Don’t be the one who is always reaching out. In addition, make yourself unavailable at times by ignoring some of his calls or responding to his texts hours later. Remember; absence makes the heart grow fonder. Being unavailable for him shows you are not just seated there waiting on him to call you. This is a good indication that you have things going on and that your world doesn’t revolve around him. Being always available can cause him to easily take you for granted as he knows you will always be there waiting on him no matter what.
Don’t lose your values just to have him: One of the things you should never allow yourself to do is to lose your values and desires so as to win him over. Always remind yourself that your value does not decrease or increase based on someone’s perspective of you. For instance, if you want to wait until marriage to get intimate with him and he is not willing to wait or if you want to make things exclusive with a man but he is not ready to reciprocate the same, then it’s time to consider moving on. Don’t compromise your values and desires out of fear of losing your partner. While at it, do not allow your lover to hold all the cards, as this will definitely leave you powerless. Once a person knows that no matter what they say or do you will still be chasing them, then you have lost control of the relationship and you will always be at their mercy.
Buy a copy of the October issue to read this and many more