A friend with benefits situation ship sounds great in theory. I mean you’re hot, your friend’s hot, both of you are single and none of you are ready for a committed relationship, so why not? As long as both of you are on the same page about how ‘mutually beneficial’ you expect your relationship to be, you’re on the right track to a successful FWB relationship. Here are a few hacks.
Pick the right friend
Before hooking up with any of your friends, think about what you’re getting yourself into. Chances are your relationship may get weird or you’ll end up losing your friend all together if the arrangement fails. When settling for a partner, pick a distant friend that you know very well and trust. You really don’t want to start sleeping with a friend in your close circles.
Set the ground rules
Before you embark on anything, talk about it, fully clothed! Set clear boundaries and lay down the rules on how frequently you’ll hook up, the emotional engagement, and whether you can still sleep with other people. Be very clear about what steps you’ll take in case feelings develop.
Don’t catch feelings!
So oxytocin…the love, sex and bonding hormone can be very manipulating, making you think you’re in love with someone just because you got a good lay. Falling in love with your FWB will probably end your relationship, as they may not reciprocate your feelings. Remind yourself that you didn’t want a relationship with this person in the first place so there’s probably nothing there. If you are one to fall in love quick, then this is definitely not your cup of tea.
Communication is key
Strive for honesty. Both of you should be comfortable enough to talk about anything. It will help with improving both the sex and the relationship.
Keep your engagement to the minimal as well; try not to text as much unless you’re sexting of course.
Play it safe
So its just sex and you don’t hope to walk down the aisle together but come on, you still need to get your game on. If you want to keep bumping uglies, stay as sexy as ever. You also want to play it safe, because STDs and unplanned pregnancies are as real as ever. Make it occasional too. Once a week or even twice a month should be good. If you keep seeing each other, chances are you’ll start developing feelings for each other.
Keep it private
Don’t start posting about it or telling you friends about it. Don’t even introduce them to your friends or family. Watching them getting along with your friends, may cause feelings to develop and you don’t want that. Let your arrangement strictly be between the two of you.
Don’t go on dates.
If you used to hang out before you started hooking up, keep doing the things you used to do together. Don’t try to make it into more, unless both of you have agreed to it. And in case you need a date, say to your sister’s wedding, your FWB is definitely the worst candidate. Monitor any relationship-ish behavior. No cuddling. No PDA. As a matter of fact, no display of affection all together! No sleepovers. No cute texts.
Maintain your friendship and keep the sex alive but don’t try to do or be more.