Caring for You and Your Family

How do I get back to dating after divorce?

I am a mom of two and have been divorced for two years now. It has taken a while for my children and I to settle down but they are all finally comfortable with the idea of their dad and I living apart. Is it too soon to start thinking about dating and possibly finding love again?

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There are no hard and fast rules on the time you should take after divorce to start dating again. It all depends entirely on you and this will be determined by how well you have recovered from the divorce and if you have moved on.

How you dealt with your previous relationship, your attachment to it, or lack of it, and the lessons you have learnt along the way will be your guiding factors.

You sound like you are doing pretty well and have moved on, but before you jump onto the dating train, here are tips that you may find useful:

Rid yourself of emotional baggage

Before diving into the dating scene once more, asses yourself and find out if you’ve really let go of bitterness, resentment or affections from your past marriage.

The battle scars of breakups come in many forms. The two main types are unexpressed anger and disappointment, which can stem from how you and your partner arrived at the point of divorce.

Depending on the circumstances under which you and your ex-husband divorced, this baggage can also weigh on your sense of self-worth, leading to scenarios where you doubt if you are dateable or even beautiful.

If you’re still fantasising about getting back with your ex then you are not ready to date. Let go and focus on yourself first until you have some inner healing. When you feel your ex is history, then you have a chance of finding love and embracing it.

Take a risk

Now that you are thinking of getting back into the dating scene, put yourself out there. Online dating, if cautiously utilised, could not only open you to a pool of eligible suitors, but also allow you to browse through several profiles at any time. Also, if you are busy, shy, introverted, or haven’t dated for quite some time, it’s a good way to get your feet wet.

Another great way to get asked out or better yet to get a guy to ask for a date – yes it is 2017 and women can do that too – is engaging in your hobbies. Join clubs or online communities that interest you, you never know, Mr. Right might be there.

Have more faith in your friends when they try to hook you up. They probably know you and what interests you. Plus, they are your friends and only want the best for you, so have fun.

However, don’t expect what worked for you before to work again as you have been out of the dating scene for a while and a lot has changed. Remember you are uniquely beautiful and wonderful and anyone would fall in love with you in your own skin, so stay real.

Don’t get ahead of yourself though. Let the relationship unfold naturally and don’t put any time limits on your romantic goals.

This way, you will definitely know when its time to introduce your kids to the new man in your life and if you’re ready for the next step – another commitment.

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