We all get into marriage hoping it will work out and only death will do us part. Unfortunately, things do not always go as planned and certain occurrences lead to the end of many relationships. You can attempt to hold on to your marriage but if staying is causing you pain and suffering, you need to quit. Here are behaviours that may indicate it is time to pack and leave.
Men have for a long time been considered the main predators, however, in today’s world, women are also playing the role. You may or may not be able to notice the signs that your partner is capable of physically hurting you until it is too late. Your partner will make excuses as to why they attempted or actually hurt you and you might consider forgiving; but you need to understand that physical abuse is dangerous. It will consequently result in long lasting effects like depression and anxiety, where you are in a constant state of nervousness and worry wondering what your spouse might do to you next.
Emotional and verbal abuse
Verbal abuse includes frequent anger, rage, blame, sarcasm, criticism, judgment, threats and other abusive means of undermining and controlling you. Verbal abuse eventually leads to emotional abuse because words largely affect self-esteem and self-worth. You will begin thinking that the negative things your spouse says about you are true and you suddenly do not love yourself or feel the need to change into what you think they would prefer you to be. You should leave that relationship if your abusive partner is not willing to attend therapy because they are unwilling to learn, grow and heal.
Fighting for the well-being of your children should never be up for discussion; you must fight for it no matter the consequences. It is crucial that children are not raised in a hostile environment, as this will affect them psychologically. If you find out that your partner is abusing your children, could be physically, sexually or emotionally, you have to end that relationship immediately. Report the abuse to the relevant authorities and ensure that your children receive the necessary care they need to heal.
Many people choose to forgive infidelity because a lot of healing can occur if you are both open to learning new things about yourselves in the process. Others choose to forgive just to avoid the consequences of splitting up such as losing homes or negative effects on children. However, your spouse may be unfaithful to you again and again; in this case you must consider leaving. It is probable that your partner is struggling with sex addiction, which may cause many problems in the relationship. Your unfaithful partner can get infected with sexually transmitted infections (STIs) from having many sexual partners and you could get infected in the process.
Your partner could be addicted to drugs, alcohol or other substances; this could lead to self-harm and they may harm you or your children. It indicates a deep level of self-abandonment, and refusal to attempt to get better by going through rehabilitation programmes is a clear sign that your partner is not likely to change. As a loving partner, you could be enabling your partner by providing the environment your partner needs to carry on with these bad habits and in this case you are part of the problem. Do not allow your partner to lose himself or herself because they know you will take care of them. It will cause a strain in your relationship and signal imminent separation.
You should not feel unworthy of love and happiness after these experiences; but you need to heal fully before getting into another romantic relationship, therefore give yourself time to do so.