Maina Kageni says women should stop giving their partners money. Do you agree?
A conversation about women and money in relationships has once again got people talking after Classic 105’s Maina Kageni challenged women on the practice of financially supporting their boyfriends.
The argument is familiar: if a man is constantly asking his girlfriend for money, paying his bills or relying on her to keep him afloat, she may eventually find herself carrying a relationship that should be a partnership.
And honestly, there is some truth in that.
Nobody wants to be in a relationship where one person has quietly become the other person’s ATM. There is a difference between helping your partner and becoming responsible for their entire life.
But is the answer really as simple as never give your boyfriend money?
Perhaps not.
Relationships do not exist in perfect financial conditions. There will be seasons when one partner earns more than the other. One person may have a stable job while the other is building a business. One may get an opportunity earlier, while the other is still trying to find their footing.
And sometimes, the person who is struggling financially is not necessarily lazy or irresponsible. They may genuinely be trying.
That distinction matters.
Supporting a partner is not necessarily enabling them
There is a huge difference between giving money to someone who has no intention of changing their circumstances and helping someone who is actively trying to improve theirs.
If your partner is waking up every day, looking for opportunities, building a business, learning a skill, applying for jobs or working towards something that could eventually improve your lives, supporting them financially for a season does not automatically make you foolish.
In fact, many couples build together this way.
The problem begins when support becomes an expectation.
When your partner stops trying because they know you will always come through, when they become comfortable with your money, or when you constantly have to rescue them from decisions they could have avoided, the dynamic changes.
You are no longer simply supporting your partner. You are carrying them.
The question should be: what is the money doing?
Perhaps instead of telling women to completely stop giving their boyfriends money, we should ask a different question:
What are you supporting?
Are you helping him pay for something that will help him move forward?
Are you helping during an unusually difficult season?
Are you contributing because you can afford to and genuinely want to?
Or are you constantly financing his lifestyle while he makes no effort to change his situation?
Those are very different circumstances.
There is also something to be said about generosity within a relationship. If one partner happens to be doing better financially, does that mean they should sit on their money and watch the other person struggle simply because society says, “A man should provide”?
Not necessarily.
A relationship is a partnership, and partnerships are rarely perfectly equal at every moment.
Sometimes you carry more. Sometimes your partner carries more.
The important thing is that both people are still moving forward.
But women need boundaries too
Supporting your boyfriend should never require you to sacrifice your financial security, abandon your goals or repeatedly give money that you cannot afford to lose.
Love should not make you financially reckless.
Before giving money, it is worth asking yourself whether you are comfortable with the possibility that you may never get it back. If the answer is no, perhaps what you are offering should be structured differently — a loan, a contribution towards a specific need, or simply encouragement rather than cash.
And perhaps most importantly, don’t fall in love with someone’s potential while ignoring their present behaviour.
A man can have a great vision and still fail to execute it.
He can talk about the business he wants to build while doing nothing to build it.
He can promise that things will change while remaining exactly where he is.
Effort has to be visible.
So, should women give their boyfriends money?
There is no universal answer.
Don’t give money because you are afraid he will leave you.
Don’t give money because you think you have to prove that you are a supportive girlfriend.
Don’t give money because you believe your relationship will collapse if you stop rescuing him.
But equally, don’t let a blanket rule convince you that supporting your partner through a difficult season automatically makes you a fool.
Sometimes your partner needs help.
Sometimes you need help.
And sometimes, the person who has more at the moment simply has more to give.
The real question isn’t whether women should give their boyfriends money.
It is whether the relationship has mutual effort, responsibility, respect and a shared vision for the future.
Because there is a difference between building with someone and carrying someone.
And perhaps that’s the conversation we should really be having.
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