Solitude and why its the key to thriving relationships.

Intimacy, in the context of relationships, is often visualized as the ability to connect on a deeper level with someone without the distractions of the outside world. This profound connection, often experienced when alone with someone you care about, builds a sanctuary—a space where you can genuinely be yourself. In such moments, bonds strengthen as you open up as do they, learning about each other in ways that might be obscured if you were in a group. However, the intimacy we’re delving into here is not just with another person but with oneself, while maintaining how that alone space turns into safespace.

Raymond Kethledge described solitude as “a subjective state in which your mind is free from input from other minds.” This definition beautifully encapsulates the idea that solitude isn’t necessarily about being physically alone, which a lot of people seem to think is. You can find solitude in a crowded bus, a bustling café, or even amidst the chaos of your home with children playing around. The essence of solitude lies in creating a deeper intimacy with oneself, understanding one’s thoughts, and processing your feelings and desires more profoundly.

But how is solitude important for my relationships to thrive? Wendell Berry insightfully remarked, “We enter solitude in which we also lose loneliness.” As we age on, we are perpetually engaged in interactions—be it at work, social outings, or at home. These continuous interactions, coupled with the digital interactions on social media, often leave us overwhelmed. Many of these interactions remain superficial, lacking depth and genuine understanding. Amidst this whirlwind of continuous engagement, the importance of self-reflection becomes especially important. By understanding ourselves better, we can approach relationships with more clarity and authenticity. Solitude offers a respite, a chance to process these interactions. It provides an opportunity to evaluate our feelings about various encounters, understand their impact, and regulate our emotions. This introspection not only enhances our self-awareness but also deepens our appreciation for others. As mentioned earlier, experiencing separation or moments of solitude can make us value our intimate relationships even more when they do occur.

To truly benefit from solitude and let it nourish our relationships, it’s essential to actively seek it. Here are some ways to achieve solitude:

1. Digital Detox: Allocate specific times in the day when you disconnect from all digital devices. This break can help you reconnect with yourself.

2. Nature Walks: Spending time in nature, even if it’s a short walk in a park, can provide a refreshing sense of solitude.

3. Meditation and Mindfulness: These practices can help you achieve a state of solitude even in crowded places by focusing your mind.

Exploring personal interests and hobbies is a profound form of healthy solitude that offers a sanctuary for self-discovery and introspection. In the quiet moments spent pursuing a passion, be it painting, writing, or hiking through nature, we engage in a dialogue with our inner self, uncovering desires and aspirations that might otherwise be drowned out by the cacophony of daily life. This solitary time is not only a period for our individual growth but also acts as a catalyst for strengthening relationships from parental to romantic and even professional. When we understand ourselves better, we can express our needs and boundaries more clearly, fostering deeper connections with others.