You have cheated on your husband, now what?

Men lie, women lie too. In fact, the number of women who have admitted to cheating on their partners have risen by 40% from 1990. While we can never sanitize cheating, it is a present reality that most married couples are dealing with right now. So, what next after cheating on your husband?

Have the talk…

…with yourself. You have to think back to the time when it became apparent to you that you are cheating, and the reasons that drove you to do it. Did you cheat because you are lonely, was it retaliatory to something he said or did, has your marriage just lost meaning? Did you cheat just because you could? Now that you have cheated do you still want to stay married or you would rather wrap up things? Once you have answered these questions, it is easy to know you next course of action.

Cut ties

If you intend to keep your marriage after a cheating episode, you will need a total behaviour change.  Remove yourself from situations and mindsets that led you down that road. Sever all ties with the person (or people) you cheated on him with. If you keep the door open, it is easy to walk back in and do exactly what you are trying to avoid.

Tell him, or not

If you tell him about the cheating, he will certainly be hurt, and lose all trust for you. But at the same time, would you rather he hears it from you or get to learn about it elsewhere? How much enraged would he be if he gets to know about it later? Whether to tell him or not is a very delicate and difficult decision to make.  If you totally cannot live with what you did, and prefer to maintain a marriage without secrets, tell him gently.

When you tell him…

Expect an outburst, news of cheating from a spouse is heavy and very hard to take. He will want to know everything, down to the finer details. Spare him those fine details, they will not help matters. It will just make things more vivid for him.

Anticipate a separation/ divorce

Most couples are able to work everything out after infidelity, and they come out on the other side smelling like roses. Not all of them, though. Your husband may ask for a separation or a divorce following the news of your infidelity. But this is something you ought to have thought about before you actually did cheat.

Counselling

In order to move forward, whether you end up discussing the cheating with your spouse or not, you need therapy both individually and for the both of you. It will help you address the underlying issues that led to the infidelity.