14 Reasons you don’t want to have sex

It’s perfectly normal to have a few libido dips but when these persist, you may want to check what’s affecting your sex drive. There are a number of things that

  • PublishedJanuary 13, 2020

It’s perfectly normal to have a few libido dips but when these persist, you may want to check what’s affecting your sex drive. There are a number of things that can dramatically affect your libido and here are a few of them.

You are engrossed in your phone

Smartphones keep us connected to each and every person except the very ones sleeping next to us since we end up paying more attention trying to catch up with others, forgetting to spend quality time with our partners. These interferences range from always being on your phone to picking up an “urgent” call in the middle of the moment or simply peeping at your screens during sex with your partner. So next time you are having second thoughts on whether to include a third party (which is your phone) in your sex time, do not succumb to it. Always turn it off in order to get turned on. Do not allow technology to get into bed with you each time.

You are too busy with other things

In our day-to-day priorities, often you may find that sex falls at the bottom of your list. You prioritise the things that stress you most, even though sex has been proven to alleviate stress levels. A 2015 study published in the Social Psychology and Personality Science found that couples who have sex twice a week are happier with their relationship than who get it less often. So always create time out of the daily hustles to get intimate with your partner.

You compare your partner with others

Many people often compare their present partner with their past partners. If at any point they find the sexual experience not matching up to the standard, they lose interest. Trying to open up to your partner about where they have ‘let you down’ may be of much help. It will help them step up their game.

Assumptions about sexual equivalency

Naturally, men are more physiologically aroused compared to women. For men, their sexual desire is usually tied tightly to their arousal. However, the case is different for women. Their sexual desire is more situational and psychological. This desire is majorly influenced by how they feel about their bodies and the quality of relationship with their partner. They also enjoy sex better after they are genitally aroused. This could only mean more time dedicated to foreplay.

Failure to acknowledge these facts or simply assuming one of them could result to the “I do not want it anymore” feeling during sex with your partner.

You don’t have the perfect love nest

Another reason behind that low sexual desire is not having your bedroom, which in this context is your love nest, in order. At times, you may come back from work late and tired, leaving all your work papers and files on the night stand, or rather, leave very early for work, leaving a mess in your bedroom. This environment makes it difficult for the mind to tune itself into sex mode. That said and done, always remember to leave your love nest in order.

You resent your partner

Do you have a bone to pick with your partner? Solve it before sex time; this will also make for the perfect make-up sex. Relationship experts acknowledge that resentment is a major reason why sexual desires decline between partners after some time. It strikes both men and women. You being angry at your partner for being too passive or dominant, or simply ignoring your needs can dampen your sexual desire.

Age is catching up with you

With age, comes everything, both the good and the bad. For women, when they get to their forties, the oestrogen level begins to decrease. With the decrease in oestrogen level, the vagina becomes less lubricated, making penetration somewhat painful during sexual intercourse. This pain will end up killing your sexual desires gradually. If hormonal changes are your reasons for low sexual desire, be sure to talk to your doctor, or rather, take to alternatives such as lubricants.

For men, their testosterone (hormone that fuels a man’s sex drive) levels begin to decline after the age of 40 and this influences their libido. According to a study by University of Chicago researchers published by the British Medical Journal, at age 55, men can expect another 15 years of sexual activity, but women that age should expect less than 11 years. Men in good or excellent health at 55 can add five to seven years to that number. Equally healthy women gain slightly less – three to six years.

You are tired of the same old, same old

One surefire way that leads to a decline in your sexual desire is getting yourself into a sexual rut. If your partner is not as active as they used to be a while back, then take the reins and add a little spark to your daily sexual routine. You can consider watching couples’ sex movies together, use sex toys or even role-play.

You are under medication

A number of different medications you are on (including birth control, heartburn drugs and blood pressure drugs) may lower that fiery desire you once had towards your partner. If you have suspicions that your medication could be the root of your problems, you can always consult your doctor on availability of a suitable alternative with low sexual side effects.

You are drinking too much

You booze, you lose. Alcohol and sex have a rather complicated relationship. While one or two drinks may put you in the mood, too much of it will again kill your sexual desire over a period of time. For women, it can inhibit their inability to reach orgasm and for men, it could lead to erectile dysfunction.

There are distractions everywhere!

From that article that is bugging you up in the newsroom to the account sheets that cannot be balanced in the office and no matter how your rebellious teenagers are giving you a hard time, always remember to unwind before getting intimate with your partner. Whatever happens outside the bedroom will surely affect whatever happens inside the bedroom.

You are over-exercising

Researchers at the University of North Carolina found out that frequent and high intensity exercise is linked to a lower libido. The researchers say intense exercise training may spark a condition called “exercise hypogonadal male condition,” which occurs when the hormones testosterone and luteinising hormone are suppressed.

When women exercise to an extreme or endurance level, hypopituitarism (an under-function of the pituitary gland) can develop, leading to low levels of testosterone and oestrogen, which ultimately affects their sex drive.

You are depressed

This may be considered as the single best psychological cause of hypoactive sexual drive. Whenever you are going through depression, it may be difficult to get intimate with your partner. Most of the time, it may prove difficult to even get aroused. Seeing your therapist could highly help in this as a solution for your depression will be found and once again, you will be back, good as before.

You are tired

As much as it may sound like an excuse, being too tired for sex may actually have more impact on your intimacy with your partner than you actually thought. Remember to take breaks in between work to avoid burn out and get good sleep at night. A study in the journal of Sexual Medicine found that lack of sleep can actually have a negative impact on your sexual drive. If you, therefore, want to get busy between the sheets with your partner, you better get busy with your pillow. Have enough rest!

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