Getting pregnant can seem easy enough, especially when you have not walked in the shoes of someone that is childless and not by choice. As we mark the world childless week, which falls between September 13 and September 19, 2021, it is important to know what not to say when interacting with a childless couple.
Not having kids is selfish
Even for someone that has chosen to not have kids out of choice, this is an insensitive thing to say. Also, while it may seem better to try asking someone why they don’t have kids, please don’t go asking them that-unless they signal to you that it is okay to ask.
Have you tried…?
Women and even men that have struggled with childlessness have often recounted getting all manner of advice that was not requested. Chances are the couple has tried everything in their quest to have a baby. Moreover, unsolicited advice makes it seem like your childless friends have control over what is happening-like there is a solution and they just refuse to take it.
When is the child is coming?
There’s nothing as infuriating as having someone always looking at your belly and asking “not yet?” Do not assume that they don’t know they are not yet pregnant. Chances are they are already struggling to deal with childlessness. You constantly reminding them does not make things easier. Besides, it is none of your business!
Life must be easy for you
Again, you have not walked in the shoes of a childless woman to know how easy or hard their life is. If you cannot think of anything else to say, silence is golden.
You won’t feel whole until you have kids
While having a child is important and is a dream for most women, there are plenty of other things that define a woman apart from motherhood. You have no business trying to make someone feel bad or lowly because they don’t have children.
You would have made such great parents
Don’t you think they already know that? Besides such a comment makes it seem like they are doomed and that the verdict is passed that they can never have children. Except, they can, no one knows for sure what the future holds.
I didn’t think you would want to come
Most people think that by not inviting their childless friends to their children’s parties, they are being considerate. Unfortunately, the opposite is true. No one likes to be left out and by failing to invite your childless couple friends, you most likely leave them feeling isolated. It’s better to invite them and have them decline than assume that they wouldn’t want to come.
Maybe it’s not meant to be
This is hurtful and may lead to self-blame, since the person may think that their childlessness is due to something they did or not did not do. This is also one of the things you should never say to someone who has suffered a miscarriage.
Childlessness is a sensitive and difficult topic. When interacting with a childless couple, it is important to think of the implications of a statement before you make it. If you are not sure about something you want to say, wisdom dictates that you remain silent.
Featured Image: Science Nordic