“This Distance Is Heavy” – Nurse Judy Breaks Down While Missing Her Family
In a recent emotional video that resonated with thousands, Nurse Judy broke down as she opened up about the loneliness of working abroad while her husband and children remain in Kenya. Judy, who works in the United States, has been processing the reality of pursuing opportunity in one country while parenting from another.
Her words were raw: “Dear God… I have no words left… only tears on this paper. This distance is heavy on my soul.” The message captured the complexity of a growing caregiving model now common in many diaspora families: one parent moves ahead to establish stability, secure income, and prepare relocation while the other manages life at home with the children.
For Judy, the ultimate goal is reunification. She has been navigating immigration processes in hopes that her family can eventually join her in the U.S. Meanwhile, her husband carries the daily parenting duties back in Kenya, ensuring the children’s routines, spiritual formation, schoolwork, and cultural grounding remain intact. The family is intact—just not under the same roof.
While her story captured public empathy, it also opened a window into a reality rarely discussed: long-distance parenting is not just logistical; it is profoundly emotional. Parents abroad often describe time-zone fatigue, guilt, missed milestones, and the ache of watching birthdays or first days of school through a phone screen. Those at home wrestle with increased responsibility, mental load, and the silent pressure to “hold things together.”
Yet many families make it work. Below are evidence-based strategies and practices used by diaspora families, family therapists, and child development specialists to maintain connection across borders.
Strategies for Navigating Long-Distance Family Life
1. Build Consistent Communication Rituals
Families fare better when communication is predictable. This can include:
• daily check-in calls
• bedtime video stories
• shared prayer or devotion time
• weekly “family meetings”
These rituals create a sense of continuity even without shared physical space.
2. Co-Parent as a Team, Not in Parallel
Long-distance works best when the parent abroad remains engaged in decision-making. Whether it is school choices, discipline, medical appointments, or cultural rites of passage, collaborative involvement reinforces unity and reduces resentment.
3. Share the Ordinary, Not Just the Big Moments
Research shows children feel more bonded when parents abroad also experience the “small stuff,” such as:
• new hairstyles
• report cards
• inside jokes
• new friendships
Ordinary moments help preserve emotional familiarity.
4. Acknowledge the Emotional Cost (Without Assigning Blame)
Families benefit from naming the reality: distance is difficult. Suppressing the emotions can lead to withdrawal or burnout. Open conversations preserve sensitivity and mutual empathy.
5. Prepare Children for the Transition Ahead
For families pursuing relocation, preparing children helps reduce cultural shock. This may include explaining new schools, seasons, foods, or norms ahead of time so the move feels like a chapter, not a rupture.
6. Strengthen the Parent at Home
The parent in Kenya carries the heaviest daily load. Family counsellors recommend:
• including extended family support systems
• rotating childcare help where possible
• avoiding isolation
• prioritizing rest
Supporting the parent at home indirectly supports the children.
7. Hold on to Shared Vision
Long-distance arrangements often persist longest when families remember their “why.” For Judy, the motivation is long-term stability and opportunity for her children. Shared purpose helps families endure short-term discomfort for long-term goals.
Looking Ahead
For Nurse Judy, the journey is ongoing. She continues to work, save, file paperwork, and dream of the day her family will finally stand together in the same space. Until then, she leans on faith, community, and the small digital bridges that keep her bonded to home.
Her story is not about separation—it is about investment, sacrifice, and the quiet resilience of modern diaspora parenting. And while the miles between her and her children may be long, the love running through that distance remains intact and unbroken.
