Ask the Experts: SHOULD I HAVE SEX with my friend?

Question: I have a male friend and our friendship goes way back. Although there is chemistry between us, we had never crossed the friendship line until a few days ago when an innocent moment almost turned intimate. Should I go ahead and have sex with him although he is non-committal to a relationship?

Answer:

While a sexual liaison may seem like a fast way to satiate your desires, the bottom line is; it really just depends on what you want. Do you simply just want sex in a ‘friends with benefits/no strings attached’ kind of relationship or a full-blown and well-defined committed relationship? If it all boils down to a torrid pleasure romp, then you need to consider the following:

Duration

What will be the terms of engagement? For instance, is it a one-time thing or will it be continuous?

How and where will you go about it?

While many men can get on with sex on the go, a lot of women like to be romanced. You know what they say – not without a dinner and a movie! Just because it is not a relationship does not mean you should both toss all respect to the wind. Plan around it, make it fun, enjoyable and dignified.

Friendship survival rate

You also need to ask yourself if your friendship is strong enough to survive what comes after the sexual encounter. For example, what if your friend still decides to pursue a relationship with someone else? Will you still be as supportive as you were before your intimate encounter and not just to your friend but to his girlfriend as well? Are you willing to respect that relationship and stay out, sexually speaking? Would you still treat each other the same way or will the sanctity and purity of your friendship be ‘broken’ and are you willing to put a long and successful relationship on the line for sex?

Damage control

Often times when two friends get into a no strings attached kind of relationship without well defined rules, the one thing you both swear will not happen does happen. One of you may fall in love with the other who may not be ready for a relationship. Sadly, it is usually the woman who finds herself in dire straits. Are you willing to jump ship when you realize you are way in over your head? Now that the above is sorted, let us address the other elephant in the room.

Are you looking for a well-defined committed relationship? If so, then you probably know the answer is to run for the hills! Many times people think they can change a non-committal partner if they just ‘show’ or ‘prove’ to them how much they love them or how far they will go to prove their love. The truth is, only your partner can make that choice not you. Besides, focusing on a relationship that is dead in the water only means that you are wasting perfectly good time and room for someone amazing that may chance along. At the end of the day, decide what works for you with the facts and  knowledge staring at you in your face and not what you imagine will develop so as to avoid disappointment.