Create the relationship you desire

Create the relationship you desire
  • PublishedAugust 30, 2016

There is a lot of negativity in many present-day relationships and this has put fear in the hearts of people who aspire to have healthy and fulfilling relationships. There’s even an entire morning radio show where most of the discussions revolve around the bad and ugly side of relationships. But it is possible to have a satisfying relationship if you are willing to work on it. We tell you how.
Cultivate the qualities you desire in your partner. Think about this, do you really know what you want out of a relationship? Not the tall, dark and handsome or light skinned person with a figure to die for cliché – what qualities matter to you the most that you look for in a partner? Kind, loving, faithful, committed, a good listener, understanding or even hardworking perhaps? Whereas it is easier to sit and dictate the kind of qualities you wish for in your partner, the more difficult part is looking at yourself in the mirror and finding out if you possess those traits.
One of the most powerful ways to create a shift in those around you is to model the very traits you desire others to have, then people of a similar trait will be attracted to you. So don’t go into relationships without first defining what you are looking for. After all, if you don’t know what you are looking for, it is almost impossible to find it!
Remember, as motivation speaker Les Brown says, “You do not get what you want in life, you get what you are.” You must embody what you want in life so you can truly live your desires. If you vibrate love, you attract love in all its forms but if you vibrate fear and self-pity, that is exactly what you attract.
Work towards a common purpose. One of the basics of healthy relationships that is often overlooked is the need to have a common purpose. Consider this; there are many relationships that have been built over the years while working on a common purpose such as friendship, mentorship, work, school or when playing a sport. A strong common bond brings you together with those you are pursuing a common purpose with and the same applies when it comes to romantic relationships. Working together, building together, failing and succeeding together – all while pursuing a common purpose – is what relationships are made of.  So find a common purpose with your loved one and pursue it together and you will reap long-lasting benefits.
Deal with your own demons. You need to know that relationships aren’t about having another person complete you. You get into a relationship as two whole people seeking to share life interdependently. People sometimes think love ought to rescue them from loneliness and insecurities. But learning to be secure on your own helps you to be complete and whole even in a relationship. True love only exists by loving yourself first because you can only get from another person what you are willing to give yourself.
Let go of expectations. If you expect to get what you want a hundred per cent of the time in a relationship, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Healthy relationships are built on compromise. Knowing what is truly important to your partner helps to ease on the compromise since your partner also needs to learn what is important for you. Of vital importance is to communicate your expectations to your partner, don’t assume or even expect your partner to read your mind, instead learn to express your needs. Also be nice to your partner for the sheer being and not just because you expect something in return.
Remember at the end of the day, great relationships don’t just happen; you need to be very intentional in cultivating a great relationship and only then will you reap its benefits.

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