Debunking Myths about Love

In our quest to find and enjoy true love, we end up subscribing to love myths that do a great disservice to otherwise good relationships. It’s time for a reality check to bust those myths that block us from having balanced, healthy relationships. We unravel the love myths that many, knowingly or unknowingly, pledge to and thus sabotage their chances of experiencing true love.

Myth #1: True love is easy and will just find you. This is hogwash since it assumes that the whole concept of falling in love is something passive. Love is a choice and an essential element by two people to be vulnerable to each other, honest, and committed. It takes work to find love by being open to it and even pursuing the person you want to be in a relationship with out of shared values and mutual respect. Even after finding love, you will still need to work on it. Today’s busy lifestyles leave little room for time and this often jeopardises relationships. Therefore, we need to be intentional about creating time for our loved ones because if we don’t, we will lose them.

Myth #2: When in love you will always get each other. That two people who are in love will always understand each other’s needs and wants even before they talk about it is an outright lie. This myth undermines the need for constant communication between two people, as you cannot expect your partner to read your mind. Instead, be intentional about communicating your feelings and needs with your loved one, as well as taking time to listen when your partner communicates. If you feel something is not clear, seek clarification and avoid reading in between the lines since this can easily give room for misunderstanding.

Myth #3: People who are in love never fight. A common misconception about love is that those in it live happily ever after. The truth is that love is not smooth sailing all the way. There will be times when the two of you don’t agree about issues because you and your partner are two entirely different people with different perceptions. What matters is your approach to issues. Fighting is not necessarily a problem, it is how you fight that counts. The bottom line is that there should be mutual respect.  Research shows that there are three different styles of problem solving into which healthy marriages tend to settle. These include:

• Validating where a couple compromise often and calmly work out their problems to mutual satisfaction as they arise.

• Volatile where conflict erupts often, resulting in passionate disputes.

• Conflict-avoiding where couples agree to disagree, rarely confronting their differences head-on.

It is noteworthy that people have their preferred style of solving conflict.

Myth #4: There is a right and wrong way of loving. There is no definitive right way to be a good partner. Rather than follow a particular standard, strive to understand and do what works for your relationship as long as you and your partner are comfortable with it. Don’t be too rigid about the way in which you accept your partner’s expressions of love, as there is no right way for someone to love you. Be open about giving and receiving love.

Myth #5: There is only one person created just for you. There is no such thing as “the one.” In fact, in life you will meet lots of potential people who you are capable of having a great relationship with. Therefore, you need to be open-minded and learn valuable lessons from each and every person you date in order to know what kind of person you want to be with.

If all the above love myths were indeed true, there would be no reason to meet different people and socialise. We would simply sit back and wait for fate to deliver a Mr or Miss Right on our doorsteps. Just like everything else in life, to get love and a great relationship, you need to work for it.

May2015