This is the month when love is permanently in the air. Everyone is planning how to make their object of love know in no uncertain terms how madly they are in love with them. On February 14, many young and old people will outdo themselves trying to achieve this goal. Some take it further with an engagement or marriage proposal. For those falling in love for the first time, I can assure you it’s going to be one exciting journey – it is full of sweet and memorable experiences, and many not so sweet and not so memorable.
I want to speak to those brothers who are unsure whether to take their relationship to the next level or to quit altogether. In my estimation, many mistakes that have a bearing on all of a person’s future are made this month in the name of love. Brothers go on bended knee to ask for a woman’s hand in marriage knowing real well they have doubts about the very relationship they want to cement. A sister says “just this once” to a guy’s sexual advances on Valentine’s Day even though deep down she feels this is not the right guy. Every choice has a consequence; but none has the potential to hurt more as choices made in the name of love.
I once wrote in this column that one of the 31 causes of failure in life listed by Napoleon Hill in his book, Think And Grow Rich, is the “wrong choice of a marriage partner.” I want you to spare yourself life-long misery. I want you to ensure that going home in future does not feel like a punishment. And the way to do that is to keep off the road travelled by those who have been there and failed, and are now regretting.
First thing! If you have doubts about your partner, please don’t propose anything. True, you might have been together for long and you feel it will hurt her if you don’t propose this Valentine’s. It could even be you feeling the urge to settle down in life and so getting the push to propose to the most available woman despite your misgivings about her. Hear me out. Don’t buy that ring. Don’t take her to be with you. Take your time.
A marriage relationship is not like joining college where we were told it is “for a season and reason.” No! Marriage is supposed to be a forever arrangement. Not trial and error. You can’t seek transfer or change of partner midway. You get in it and stay in it. Of course people divorce. But divorce is messy and more painful than saying no right in the beginning. Still, people do not marry with the intention of separating or divorcing. You want a “till death does part you” arrangement; the more reason you should chill until you are sure.
Last thing! Avoid sex on Valentine’s Day especially if you are not ready to “die” for your girlfriend. Many brothers get into marriage because of a pregnancy. A girl you took out on a date gives in to your advances after a few drinks and you jump between the sheets with her. Wrong move, if you have not made up your mind that she is the one for you.
The consequences are that she might come back after a month or two to remind you of that night in February, and that because of that she missed her period. Another thing, tens of guys contract HIV in the midst of “showing love.” It is not worth it. So don’t have sex with your date until you know of her status. And if you don’t trust your power of self-control, carry with you a packet of condoms – just in case.
This Valentine’s Day must not be the beginning of a chapter of regrets in your promising life. Do not say “Yes” when you should say “No”, and “maybe” and “probably” must not be the basis for a decision that will determine how the rest of your life turns out.
Have a thoughtful Valentine’s Day!
Published on February 2014