How to express yourself to your partner when you don't feel heard

How to express yourself to your partner when you don't feel heard
  • PublishedAugust 10, 2021

There are times, during a debate, argument or negotiation when you feel the other party is set on misunderstanding you. When such is with someone you love, the feeling can be frustrating, and you might be tempted to break up. You are often torn between continuing with the disagreement or leaving it at that and walking away. When it comes to relationships, leaving things unsettled is always a bad idea.

If you choose to continue, adopting other approaches might help in convincing your partner to see things from your perspective. This requires you to try other ways to express yourself and the grounds on which you stand. Here are some useful tips on expressing yourself when you don’t feel heard by your partner.

Active listening

Most conversations that fail are the result of one party not listening to what the other was saying. Instead of waiting for your turn to speak, listen first to what your partner has to say about the issue. Internalize their words and make it a point to understand them before speaking.


Restructure the narrative

Take a step back and reflect on the situation. You might have been reading it all wrong. Look at it from  an objective point of view without your emotions in the way. Do not fill ideas in your head about why your partner is acting a certain way, but find out the actual reason. This will guide both of you in finding solutions fit for the situation without going in circles over other issues.

Don’t resort to anger

Angry outbursts might be tempting but are not the ideal way to handle conflicts. Anger always intensifies moods and breed chaos that could have been otherwise avoided. You also don’t get the chance to express yourself in the end. Tone down these emotions and if possible, take some time away from the situation and return with a clear mind.

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Understand your emotions

Understanding your own emotions plays a role in helping your partner understand them too. It also helps in getting you to expressing yourself better. Be aware of how the situation makes you feel and open up to your partner about it. This requires a deep delve into how you truly feel and what you can do to make it better.

Remain positive

Being negative will reflect the same energy to your partner and the discussion might turn into a heated argument. Throughout, try and remain positive with the words you choose and how you say them. Do not get accusatory but instead frame your words in an understanding manner. Tell yourself that both of you will come to an agreement in the end and things will be okay.


Take home

Misunderstandings are part of relationships and how you approach them matters a lot. When feeling unheard, let your partner in on your emotions and talk about it till you come to an understanding.

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