Ladies, which male would you choose?

Is it too much to ask for a man who can hunt for our dinner yet cradle us to sleep? Who can protect us from lions, spiders and muggers, yet boldly shed a tear during ‘The Notebook’? Who can work immensely hard to provide for us, but always be home by 7pm for dinner? Who can fix our flat tyres and then accompany us to a pedicure? Who can cry and really articulate their emotions? (Though never, ever in public.)

Who can cook us dinner, and pay the mortgage, and fix the toilet, and prepare a bubble bath for us, complete with scented candles, all in the same hour? Who lets us hang out with our girlfriends every week and only desires to watch sports twice a year? Who remembers each and every one week, one month, three month, six month and of course, one year anniversary? Promptly, at 7:00am? Who can bench press over 100kg and buys us roses twice a month? Who always tells us how beautiful and slim we are, but wouldn’t dream of ever lying to us? Who can read our minds?

I repeat: who can read our minds?

AND who loves and accepts us for who we are, despite our high pitched nagging, incoherent wailing and what have you, and would never, ever dream of trying to change us. Honestly, is that too much to ask for? How difficult could that possibly be? As it has been understood for centuries that us women are the perfect embodiment of emotional and rational intelligence, balance, and tranquility, why can’t the fellas finally step up to the plate?

Alas ladies, I hate to be the one to break the harsh news to you but the gents do indeed have some pretty valid explanations for their failures to achieve our expected levels of perfection. Of course, there is the basic truth in the fact that it is physically impossible for men to ever evolve to our highly sophisticated, perfectly balanced state of being, but let’s put that aside for now.