Seven keys to sexual happiness

You can create the sexual fulfillment you desire by deliberately making love with your partner to get shared pleasure from it. You and your partner need to remember that pleasurable

  • PublishedJanuary 17, 2013

You can create the sexual fulfillment you desire by deliberately making love with your partner to get shared pleasure from it. You and your partner need to remember that pleasurable lovemaking is a result of seeking uninhibited pleasure from your bodies and not a performance competition. If you remember the following seven key words, and take the necessary action, you will have discovered the keys that open the door to the best sex ever.

The importance of sex in a loving relationship cannot be overemphasized. People are willing to get married and divorced over sex; others pay for it; others forcefully have it through rape or incest, when others sacrifice their own values, and even their better judgment for one night of it. Many great people have fallen from their positions of power over adulterous relationships. The latest to fall was former CIA director, decorated US army general David Petraeus. There are many reasons why sex is so important and people are willing to go to various lengths to have it and perhaps the main ones are:

*Sex is physically satisfying. We all have the need to be touched, held, feel loved and desired, and to release the sexual tension that builds up inside of us.

*Having sex with someone we love creates more intimacy and closeness between us. It is the glue that keeps us together.

*Having sex with a loving partner, especially when we’re making love and not just performing the sexual act, makes us feel special, valued, needed and cared for.

*A healthy sex life builds our self-esteem. When we feel we are good lovers and are desired by another, our sense of self-worth increases. We walk with our heads held high.

Whether we realise it or not, the way we make love may be affecting how we relate with others, how we get a point across to our partners, friends and colleagues in an argument, what action we take when others confront us, and how well we pursue success in life. The way we make love under closed doors inside the bedroom directly affects how we feel about ourselves and others, and how we behave outside the bedroom. If we are gentle, loving and caring in the bedroom, we are also likely to show the same emotions in other relationships and interactions in our lives. When we are aggressive, uncaring, demanding and competitive inside the bedroom, we are likely to display the same characteristics in our outside lives.

When you purpose to make lovemaking fulfilling you are standing on the threshold of a wonderful journey every time you start to have sex. You are aware that the territory waiting to be explored is inside you and your partner. You know you have the power to consciously use your sexual energy to arrive at some magic that fills every part of your body with aliveness and leaves your partner feeling the same way. When you use this energy in a positive way, it teaches you how to feel alive and fulfilled as you move its force up into your heart, awakening the true power of love. If this power and love are shared with your partner, the result is exhilarating lovemaking.

Love can heal all the old wounds and hurts inside you with the pure stream of joyousness it sends raving up your spine. It is the antidote to relationship hurts, as long as it is offered genuinely and expressed deeply. A new adventure awaits you every time you make love to the one you love as long as you make it deliberate and mutual. The following key words – all starting with the letter C will help you discover the potential you have to love deeply as you make love intentionally for your own pleasure and that of your partner. Use these keys to open the door to sexual happiness.


1. Conscious

When you have sex, be conscious of the process of making love: how your partner is feeling and how your body is handling the energy. Sex can be one of the most unconscious things we do – in the darkness, with our eyes closed, not talking, or numb on alcohol or excitement. Being conscious means being loving. It means not having sex as a routine. It also means not expecting your partner to make love to you just because you want it. It also means thinking about sex before you embark on it so you have one goal – to please yourself and your partner.

Avoid the boring routine sex couples tend to have in the same position day in day out; with lights out; and without uttering a single word to each other – absolutely no expression of love or feelings. Making love provides you with the perfect opportunity to declare your love to your partner, to let them know you value them, that you don’t take them for granted and it’s a privilege to have them in your life.

2. Choice

When you make love from choice, and not from obligation, you are creating the conditions you need to have a fulfilling experience. Never make love when you don’t want to. Sometimes saying no is saying yes to your inner voice. Some people make love because it is a marital obligation and not because they really want it or get fulfillment from it. If you make love just because somebody else wants you to, you may never be in touch with your desire to make love. In this case, try letting your partner know when you are not totally in the mood. Ask him to wait for another time or go slow and spend  more time on foreplay. When your partner is not in the mood and you spend some time expressing your love to them without any expectations of sex as a reward, you may find they get in the mood as soon as they are feeling loved and desired. Sex is a very emotional thing and all it needs is both of you to work towards getting each other in the mood by helping melt away all the stress of the day, and other things that may be occupying our mind and distracting us from lovemaking.

3. Commitment

Be committed to a higher purpose when you make love and not just to releasing sexual tension. Be committed to sharing all of yourself with your partner, committed to healing some old patterns of behaviour that make your lovemaking not so good, such as concentrating on your  sexual performance or faking orgasm. Also be fully committed to your relationship.

There is no commitment when you cheat on your partner, whether they know it or not. There is no commitment when you don’t respect your partner. There is also no commitment when you place other people or things ahead of your relationship. Lack of commitment may be the reason your sex life is not satisfying and until you fully commit, you will never experience the joy of sex with your partner. Commitment creates a sense of purpose and strength in your life. It makes your marriage vows last.

4. Connection

Connection is the centerpiece for making love. Connection means staying emotionally tuned into your partner, keeping your heart open, letting the experience be one that is shared, and working towards oneness together. If you lose this connection, you will be on different wavelengths when you make love and it is unlikely you will sexually satisfy each other. When partners find this inner connection, they are tuned in their lovemaking and know exactly what each one wants and are able to satisfy each other.

5. Communication

Sharing and expressing your feelings allows the connection to become concrete and clear to your partner. Share your inner world and your dreams with your partner by showing him or her how you are feeling, asking for what you want, and expressing your deepest feelings of love. Communication involves all areas of your relationship because when misunderstandings or hurts are not resolved, they are likely to be transferred to the bedroom. Communication means being open with each other and having the freedom to discuss any issue without fear of being put down. Couples who love each other don’t have any secrets. They are open with each other and communicate their feelings, wants, desires and fears freely. They will let their partner know the kind of sex they dream or fantasise about, and both will experiment to discover how they can enhance their lovemaking.

6. Cooperation

Be aligned with your partner in purpose. Lovemaking doesn’t work when you are trying to practice conscious lovemaking while your partner just wants to climax and go to sleep. Support your partner by helping him or her attain the kind of lovemaking he or she wishes for, and to become the loving person he or she is in the inside, as well as share your dreams together. When you cooperate with your partner, you help each other to grow emotionally.

7. Come from completion

Lovemaking is not a journey to someplace, but an expression of a place you and your partner already inhabit together. Coming from completion means making love as a celebration of your relationship, and not as a desperate attempt to fill your emptiness or release sexual tension. When you come from completion, every moment of making love is complete and perfect just as it is. There is never bad sex, whether you attain a climax or not. You enjoy the feeling of your bodies enjoined and sharing the innermost part of you with your partner. You never look at sex as just a climax – the whole experience from foreplay to after play matters.

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