Things men wish women knew about love

Christopher Maina

Dear ladies, I write on behalf of my brothers to pass a message we all believe will be invaluable to you. It is said that love makes the world go round and this letter is about love. It is also about attracting that love of your life. But most importantly, it is about helping you understand how men think and the things they value in a woman. You see, dear sisters, I love and care about you, hence my decision to write this to you.

Most men see many women trying too hard to catch a brother’s eye. Sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you don’t. We know the feeling when one is ignored or suffers outright rejection despite their effort.  And we want to save you the humiliation. We want you to know the things that you do thinking they will impress us but which actually only serve to put us further off. Love is blind and sometimes it can lead one to do or attempt to do daft things. I hope this serves as an eye-opener to you.

We don’t like girls who drink too much. Men truly love their drink. Sometimes we like to see our women get a little tipsy for the fun of it. Even doctors recommend a glass or two of wine a day. But a girl who drinks herself to a stupor to prove she is the “crazy” one is a no, no. Actually, real gentlemen have an unwritten alcohol rule: “Drink only the amount of alcohol you can carry in your stomach.” So, the sight of a woman on all fours or throwing up can never be romantic no matter the justification. And finally, a woman should NEVER be caught blinded by those cheap and illegal drinks – even if your boyfriend stoops to such lows.

We want you healthy not skinny. Now, who told some women that skinny is sexy? Hollywood probably! But the catwalk models are not models of sexiness but only of commercialisation. They are merchants of products and nothing more. One thing men don’t want from their women is embarrassment. Our ego is too vulnerable that we don’t want society judging us based on how we keep our women. Skinny, to a man, spells emaciation due to starvation. When one’s woman is too skinny, what we see written all over the faces of everyone else we meet is this man is doing so badly that he can’t even feed his woman, or that the man is putting the lady under too much stress. We hate it when you go on diet to get a size six figure. That is not what we want. We want you looking healthy. And we want you to have some flesh on you, not a skeleton in a Little Black Dress. And don’t take this as license to get obese. That too is a put off. Healthy looking is the word. Obese is not healthy, and skinny looks sickly.

We only want to see you naked in the bedroom. Some women barely get time to dress up nowadays, it seems. They will appear at a public place with only a 12-inch cloth for a top and the rest is bra and flesh. Some don’t even know the price of a fitting bra. And why would a normal woman show up for a date or at a dance hall in a mini-mini skirt and no panties? Hear this from us about what we think whenever we see a girl trying too hard to show her flesh – hooker! Yes, we think you are just a cheap woman whose only selling point is her body. We think you are good for a one-night stand but not good enough to introduce you to our friends, parents or the larger society.

And it is true brothers can’t understand why such women keep cursing when their calls are never picked after the one-night stand. Think about it, why would a man want to pick a hooker’s phone call, when the main reason men prefer sex with prostitutes is the ‘no-strings-attached’ rule? So, dear sister, if you want to be treated like a marriageable woman or a woman of honour, dress like one. We will notice you. This does not mean you wear skirts and dresses touching the ankle. No. But when you show your thighs or cleavage, let it be a tease, not a revelation.

Finally, stop all the drama in public especially when we are together, you can wait till we reach home for us to fight in private. I agree it was a bad idea to hug my ex in your presence, but don’t start throwing tantrums at our friend’s wedding. There will be time to put things straight afterwards.

 Published in June 2014