When you are in a relationship, it is normal to always want to update your friends and family about what transpires in the relationship- both the good and the bad. However, there are instances where you will need to balance between disclosing and respecting your partner and their privacy.

Here are some details or instances where you should exercise caution and wisdom before disclosing:

Money issues

Try as much as possible to avoid sharing with your friends if your relationship is having financial problems. Money is a sensitive topic, especially when your partner is not doing so well. If your relationship is having problems when it comes to settling debts and meeting daily expenses then that is a problem for the both of you only. It is better to seek the services of an unrelated third party such as a financial advisor.

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Your partner's insecurities

Your partner shares personal insecurities because they trust that you have their best interests at heart and would not use this information against them.  Insecurities may range from weight problems, past relationship experiences and low self-esteem. Therefore, try as much not to share such information, and if you think think their insecurities are interfering with the relationship, have them seek a counsellor.

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Your sex life specifics

No one needs to know how often you and your partner have sex or what exactly happens in the bedroom.  It is an intimate moment between the two of you. Discussing such intimate details may lead to comparison or unrealistic expectations yet sex is a unique experience for everyone.

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Your partner's views on your friends

Do not go disclosing what your partner personal opinions about your friends and families especially if they disapprove of someone. This may create resentment towards your partner or ruin your friendship.

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Confidential information

There are things you and your partner discuss in confidence from time to time and it would be disrespectful if you disclose them to your friends and family. Sometimes it may not be a big deal but your partner would prefer to keep it private. Trust is the hardest thing to get back when it is broken.

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In-law issues

Sharing little information about your in-laws is not a bad thing. You just have to know where to draw the line and know when to bring up issues of infidelity, addictions, parenting styles etc.  Your partner's family is your family by extension so accord them the necessary discretion about issues.                                     ‌

Past relationship failures

Your friends and family do not need to know what your partner did or did not do in previous relationships before you got together. Such details are not part of your current relationship and it will not look good when your partner discovers you shared them with other people instead of sharing your concerns with them.

man and woman holding a heart together
Photo by Kelly Sikkema / Unsplash

In a nutshell…

It really comes down to what you and your partner have agreed to share with your friends and families. However, when issues arise in your relationship,you can always find ways to seek advice from your family and friends without necessarily getting in to deep details of the particular issue. When sharing always ask yourself if you are breaking your partners trust in you.  It is best to consider the consequences and issues that may arise from over-sharing details of your relationships with friends and family.

If there are certain issues you feel must be addressed with someone, find a relationship counsellor who will help you unpack the issues in a safe space.

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