No one warns you that loving your child with every fibre of your being can still leave you pouring from an empty glass. Parental burnout is a reality, it is common, and the myths surrounding it are making it worse.
When you become a parent, physically, emotionally, or mentally, exhaustion is what you feel most of the time. It is not made easier by the fact that society provides you with a set of unspoken rules that dictate what good parenting should look like, most of which are wrong. It is time to dismantle them.
Your child wants a perfect parent
The burden of perfection makes failure a near certainty even before the day begins. The high expectations that we place on ourselves often rob us of the happiness in the little moments.
Your child does not need you to be perfect. Children desire to have a caring parent. Do it tired, in a stained t-shirt, and with your eye bags. Your smile and your kind words are enough for your child to thrive.
Parenting should be a constant joy
Parenting is a personal endeavor and sometimes not every moment will be rewarding. Some days will be enjoyable and filled with laughter. It’s quite common for some people to leave feeling drained and questioning their life choices.
It is not a failure to admit that you are tired and need help. You’re not a superhuman, you’re a parent.
The mother owns the child
Times have changed. Today’s parenting is a joint effort, which makes things much easier for mothers. A fair division of responsibilities goes a long way in relieving the mental load that mothers have carried alone since time immemorial. Burnout doesn’t discriminate, and dads are not spared either, and pretending otherwise leaves all of us angry and worn out.
Your child has outgrown diapers, but why are you tired?
Even parents with older children can also experience burnout.
Following a hyperactive child who requires constant supervision and stimulation is quite tiring. Taking care of a child with a disability who needs carrying, helping, or monitoring around the clock is also tough. There are limits for the body and mind, no matter what stage of parenting you are at.
Always make sacrifices for your family
There is a version of selflessness that society celebrates, one where a parent, the mother especially, gives endlessly without stopping to refill her own cup. The body is praised until it shuts down.
Taking time to take care of oneself isn’t selfish. Taking time to visit a friend, pursue a hobby, or just sit in a quiet room for twenty minutes is good for your mental health. You can not pour from an empty cup.
Read: A Guide to Preventing Burnout in Creative Parents
Parents on social media have got it all figured out
Seeing the edited versions of life on your screen can quietly make you feel as if you are not enough. That is a comparison based on an illusion.
Instagram parents are curating a perfect reel for their audience. The difficulties are still there. Those that do not make the cut, the tears, the arguments, the days dinner is just ugali and sukuma wiki. That aspect of their life will not be posted on the reels.
Parental burnout doesn’t mean you love your children any less. It means you have been giving too much for too long without giving anything back to yourself. Identifying these myths for what they are is validating, but most importantly, necessary.
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