How to Set Boundaries with Relatives During the Holidays
December is when families tighten ranks and pool together to share resources. But half the time, the only harsh conditions are those between our relatives and us.
The impending cold wars that reemerge every year, only to be caged up and packaged for a later date. With that in mind, here are a few ways to set boundaries with relatives during the December holidays.
Agree on specific dates
During the December holidays, cousin and relative sleepovers are not unheard of. A common trend where one person volunteers to host everyone else in an effort to make memories and provide hearth.
It is safe to say that times like these test our mettle. You might start to question how strong the family ties are, especially when relatives overstay their welcome.
To counter this, a little bit of honesty is required. After a deep breath, statements like, ‘How long are you planning to stay? I’d like to plan myself accordingly.’’
Have the difficult conversations
When it comes to setting boundaries, honesty is a major factor. Confronting family members is not a cup of tea. Oftentimes, we stay in a state of willing ignorance, feigning cordial relations.
We might bond with other family members over how difficult they are, but that doesn’t address the hurt or betrayal we feel whenever they enter our space.
You are not trying to change your relatives; you’re clearing the air. Although it could result in severe backlash and splintering of the family into groups, if handled diplomatically, you can call out your relatives and begin to resolve conflict. If not completely, you can at least get that weight off your chest.
Limit the time you spend together
Friends come and go. We get to pick who they are in most cases; others, not so much. It is the same thing with our relatives.
Be it family gatherings, Christmas meetings, or cookouts, try to spend as little time as possible in order to preserve your inner peace.
You’re not afraid of them, and you don’t have to actively avoid them, but choosing not to have them in your path is an act of self-love.
Accept that they won’t change
There is yin for yang; every positive has a negative. For all the cousins, aunts, and uncles we dislike, there are those whose company we value beyond reason.
Life would be a bit boring if we got along with everyone. We wouldn’t have room to learn or grow.
“The things we dislike most in others are the characteristics we least like in ourselves” is a quote by renowned Irish author and radio presenter Marian Keyes.
This quote summarizes the complexities of relationships with our relatives and why it is important to set boundaries not only with them but with ourselves.
Enjoy the holidays
We don’t choose our parents or our relatives; otherwise, it would all be a wash. We’d end up with the nicest and most well-adjusted individuals. Sadly, we can’t will away family ties, the same way we can’t count grains of sand by the seashore.
When it comes to the December holidays, it is time to take stock of the year and revisit the highlights and lowlights of the time passed.
Even though we can’t rewrite our DNA or continue wishful thinking, daydreaming about a better family situation, we do have the power of control over our thoughts, and that’s the only thing we truly need to enjoy the December holidays.
