When our Children Tell Their Side of the Story

Why you must listen carefully, not blindly

A few weeks ago, I attended an academic day at my child’s school, where a tense exchange unfolded between a parent and the school administration. The parent was visibly upset. Her daughter had told her that the school had restricted students’ outdoor time, cutting off their freedom to go to the field during breaks.

Understandably, the mother was furious.

Why would a school deny children time outside class? How do you expect young minds to breathe, play, release pressure and grow if every minute is spent behind a desk? We all know the saying about all work and no play. Childhood is not meant to be lived indoors.

The complaint sounded valid. Any parent would be alarmed.

But when the school finally explained what had actually happened, the full picture emerged.

It turned out that a group of students had been using field time to interact with non-school employees who had access to the grounds. They then smuggled contraband to the students. The school had not “banned playtime.” They had temporarily suspended field access while they investigated how outsiders were getting onto the premises and tightened security.

Suddenly, the story changed.

The girls had not lied outright. They simply told a version of the truth that worked in their favour. And I thought about it for a while.

We often talk about protecting children from manipulation by adults, but rarely do we talk about the reverse reality: children are far more perceptive and strategic than we sometimes give them credit for.

This is not about accusing children of bad intentions or a case of bad parenting. Most of the time, they are simply trying to protect themselves from punishment, avoid consequences, or secure sympathy. In their world, survival is about staying out of trouble and keeping their privileges. I’m sure you remember that.

And they learn very early what works.

A sad tone.
A half-truth.
A carefully selected detail.
A missing explanation.

Before you know it, a parent is storming into a school office, fully armed with outrage. As parents, our instinct is to defend our children. We are wired that way. When our child says, “The teacher is unfair,” or “The school is punishing us for no reason,” we want to stand with them.

But blind belief can be dangerous.

It can damage relationships with teachers.
It can undermine school authority.
It can teach children that emotional storytelling is more powerful than honesty.
And worse, it can create an environment where accountability disappears.

Children quickly learn that if they shape a story well enough, adults will fight their battles for them.

This does not mean doubting your child openly or interrogating them harshly. Children need to feel safe coming to their parents. If they sense suspicion, they may shut down or become more secretive.

Instead:

Listen calmly and fully as you gently ask follow-up questions. Seek clarification from the school quietly and gather the full context before reacting. You can advocate for your child without attacking the administration. You can protect your child without undermining discipline. And you can teach them that honesty matters, even when it is uncomfortable.

Today’s children are growing up in a world of information, influence and persuasion. They watch adults negotiate, argue, justify and manipulate every day. They absorb it all.

They are witty.
They are emotionally intelligent.
They understand power dynamics.
They know which buttons to press.

Not because they are malicious, but because they are human. And just like us at their age, they are learning how to navigate authority.

Also Read: Your Children are Watching: Heal Yourself Before you Hurt Them

Our role is not to be blindly loyal. It is to be wise.

To be fair.
To be patient.
To be balanced.

To teach our children that while their feelings matter, truth matters more. That while their voice deserves to be heard, every story has more than one side. And that integrity will always take them further than clever manipulation ever could.

Because one day, they won’t just be negotiating field time. They will be negotiating jobs, relationships, contracts and leadership roles. The values we model now will shape how they use their intelligence later.

And intelligence, when guided by honesty, becomes wisdom.

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