Exes are often painted as the demons of this world, and that falling back into relationships you opted out of is a weakness. In relationships, sometimes you just don’t get it right the first time, and the second time round looks more promising. Are you stuck in that rut? Having designs on your ex but not quite sure about it? How do you tell that a relationship is worth a second chance?

If both of you want in

You had better not be the only person who wants to get back together. If the other person is okay with the way things are, and they have even moved on, don’t drag them back. For it to succeed this second time, you need all hands on deck.

If what broke you apart can be resolved

Can you discuss and find perfect solutions to the issues that led to your breakup? Because really, there is absolutely no reason to get back together if you are going to break up again once the novelty of getting back wears off. If those issues cannot be solved, you had better remain apart.

Honest communication

Both of you must be willing to have a mature and honest discussion about the reasons why you broke up, individual feelings, insecurities, mistakes and the changes and compromises you are willing to make to make it work a second time. If you are still unwilling to lift the veil and have uncomfortable discussions, it is not worth the effort.

Have you spent some time apart?

You cannot dive right back in after breaking up with your ex. Spend time apart and clear your head. Time reveals cracks and crevices and things are much clearer in hindsight. If after having spent time apart you still feel that spark, you might consider getting back with your ex.

Was the relationship toxic or abusive?

If it was, there is no reason good enough to get back to your ex. Getting out of a toxic relationship is hard, once you get out, stay out.