Once you say “I DO” you become part of a new family altogether. So, not only would you have to adjust yourself with your new spouse, but you should also try to build a good relationship with your new family at least.
However, sometimes you find yourself clashing with your in-law(s). If this is you, here are a five tips that will work like a charm. These tips will help you handle toxic in-laws in a positive and healthy way.
Type #1: Controlling in-laws
One of the classic scenarios of controlling in-laws is where your mother-in-law wants to be the one in charge of your marriage(or even the wedding), instead of you and your husband. This type of in-law would be constantly telling you what to do and not to do.
For such a case, you and your spouse need to have a united front and be on the same page about how to handle the overbearing figure. Take time together to find the root of the problem. When you have figured out the reasons behind this kind of behaviour, discuss with your husband and help him understand that the two of you should lead your marriage together.
Create a united front with your spouse and forget about having their approval on every little thing. This way, your in-laws can see who’s in control in your marriage.
Type #2 The overbearing in-laws
This kind are always too involved in your marriage life. Granted, having a solid support system is nice, but not if they turned out to be intruding and interfering in your personal issues that are none of their concern. We all know how irritating that can be.
To deal with this, you and your partner should try to keep any personal issue out of your in-laws’ knowledge if you don’t want them to meddle in it.
For starters, don’t fight or flaunt your problems in front of them. Furthermore, don’t snitch or complain about your spouse’s annoying habits to them. And most importantly, be firm and don’t be afraid say no to unsolicited advice. You can say thanks or simply nod and tell them you’ll consider it to keep the peace.
Type #3: The Nosy ones
These type of in-laws will come to your house unannounced, snoop on your private conversation or even nonchalantly take a peek into confidential emails or letters. They are curious about what you cooked to who you are talking to, akin to private detectives.
While we may want to be closely-knit and transparent with our in-laws,it obviously doesn’t mean sharing every personal or intimate detail in your marriage to your in-laws, or other people you don’t feel comfortable with.
Set boundaries and be firm but nice about them.
Type #4 The Dramatic and over sensitive kind
Be prepared to have some in-laws with the tendencies for being melodramatic, making exaggerated stories or constantly being offended by every little thing that you do or say, you might just land a role in this new episode of family drama.
When faced with problematic in-laws who have the knack for acting out emotionally and turning you into the antagonist, you better pick your battles. If you react with the same hysterical note as they did, you will be dealing with this kind of problem for the rest of your marriage. If the topic of their drama is simply fabricated or irrelevant, simply walk away, ignore them or respond honestly.
Type #5 Manipulative in-laws
This is the worst kind of toxic in-law because instead of being supportive of your marriage will try to make you and your spouse turn against each other. They will also plot and manipulate their way into their kids’, brothers or cousins marriage! Some might ask their kids to pick a side, between their parents or their spouse, which is totally unfair.
The trick is not to take the bait. learn your spouse well enough so that you do not to fall into these domestic traps. Recognise the patterns, listen to your instinct, and avoid trusting their words instantly
Dealing with in-laws can be taxing with its ups and downs .Whichever the case, always remember, they are not always gonna like you no matter how good of a person you are,. Therefore, stop trying to change them, make sure you and your spouse are on the same page and lastly, stand firm in your values.
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