Talking to couples trying to conceive: A guide
We’ve all been there, trying to find the right words when a friend or loved one is going through a tough time. While your intentions might be good, certain words can unintentionally cause pain or discomfort.
Infertility is a journey that many face in silence, behind closed doors.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), 16.4 percent of the adult population in Africa experiences infertility.
Navigating conversations around infertility can be challenging, especially when you’re talking to someone who is struggling to conceive.
A guide on what not to say and better alternatives that offer support and empathy
Don’t say – you can always adopt
Many people dealing with infertility have already explored or are aware of adoption. Suggesting it can unintentionally imply that they haven’t done enough research or aren’t open to other possibilities.
They may feel like you are trying to quickly solve their problem rather than acknowledge their pain.
Adoption in Kenya is not a walk in the park and can take a toll on you financially and emotionally.
Instead, say you’re there to support them no matter what path they choose.
This shows respect for their personal journey, whether they decide to pursue adoption, fertility treatments or other options.
Don’t say – just get an IVF
While In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) offers the best chance of success, it’s not a guarantee that it will work for everyone.
It is a complex procedure that can be quite expensive and emotionally draining especially if it fails. The average cost of IVF starts from Ksh. 400,000.
Instead, you can suggest seeking advice from a healthcare professional or fertility specialist.
Don’t say – just relax and it will happen
This statement is dismissive and suggests that the reason they aren’t pregnant is because they are anxious.
Trying for a baby and not being successful is unbelievably stressful. Infertility is a medical condition that often requires professional treatment and simply relaxing isn’t a magic solution for a successful pregnancy.
Instead, you can say, “I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you. I‘m here for you.“
This shows you acknowledge their struggle without downplaying it.
It shows that you’re supportive and ready to listen without offering unsolicited advice.
Don’t say – everything happens for a reason
This falls under the category of “things to never say to anyone”.
For someone who is struggling with repeated pregnancy failures or facing the prospect of not being able to have children, this phrase comes off as very insensitive.
It suggests that they are suffering for a purpose or it could imply that the situation is out of their hands.
You should say, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is incredibly unfair and hard. I’m here to listen if you ever need to talk.“
This response validates their feelings and acknowledges the unfairness of their situation without trying to justify it.
Don’t say – you are young, you still have time
Young people can also face challenges trying to conceive and this might suggest that their fears and anxieties about infertility are unjust simply because they are young.
It may also suggest that they have “plenty of time” and this can create a false sense of security, potentially delaying necessary medical intervention.
One can say, “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It must be really difficult.”
This response acknowledges their struggle without making assumptions based on their age.
Don’t ask – who has a problem, him or her?
Avoid asking this accusatory question at all cost.
It shifts blame and implies that one partner is solely responsible for the couple’s fertility challenge.
It pressures the couple to disclose private medical information that they may not be comfortable sharing.
Instead, you can ask how they’re both holding up.
This acknowledges that both partners are involved in the journey, without assigning blame or meddling into personal details.
READ ALSO:https://parentsafrica.com/debunking-common-pregnancy-myths-and-misconceptions/
