If you thought getting married is a task,staying married is the work. It has often been said that dating shows you the good in your partner while marriage shows you the good, the bad and the ugly. As a result, some people enter into marriage only to find surprises that they did not anticipate.

Getting past these surprises and staying married requires commitment and intentionality on the part of the couple. If your marriage is not going well for whatever reason, you may want to read on.

Pursue self-awareness

The problem with most of us is that we want to know all about the world while knowing so little of ourselves. To have a good marriage, begin with self knowledge. When you are self aware, you are able to show empathy to your spouse. You would be surprised how many conflicts you would avoid just by being self aware.

Touching the bouquet
Photo by Drew Coffman / Unsplash

Learn, Unlearn and Relearn

Marriage is one of the many mysteries of life. So if you feel like you haven't figured it out yet,you are not alone because no one has figured it out. Marriage is a learning process from the first day to the last. Therefore, make a deliberate choice to learn, unlearn and relearn.

SEE ALSO: Dear Newly Weds, you don’t need visitors in your house

Recognize the uniqueness of marriage

Marriages are personal. You can be sure that the challenges you and your spouse face are not the same ones faced by the other couple. Similarly, the needs of a marriage differ from one couple to the other. Do not compare your marriage with that of another couple.

Marriage is  between two people. Getting in sync with each other takes time, determination, an open heart, and a sensitive touch. You have to be willing to stay through the process without allowing external pressure to distract you.

Cultivate qualities that make your marriage work

While every marriage is unique, there are certain qualities that are common in all successful marriages as listed below:

Trust; Your marriage space is sacred and private. No-one should come between the two of you. Not children,parents,inlaws,friends,cousins....name it; nothing

Restraint; Temptation to sin will surely come so be there for each other to help resist temptation and remain true.

Intimacy; Plan and work diligently to maintain romance. in your marriage.

Priorities. Do not loose site of each other even when the children's come along and tides of time abound; remember in the end it will always be the two of you

Difference. Respect respect each other’s differences, and know that difference lends interest.

Communication. Speak up and communicate your needs, likes, dislikes, agreements, and disagreements.

Fairness. Always play fair. No double standards.

Respect. This is demonstrated.

Emotion; Get mad at each other sometimes and fight when necessary; we are human. The day you stop fighting is the day there is nothing left to fight for.

Reconnection. Never go to bed angry with each other. Process your feelings, express them and let it go.

Humor. Having a sense of humor helps.

Gratitude. Be so glad to be together, and say so.

Truthfulness. Do not lie. If you have to say something that might be hard for one for the other to hear, tell the truth, and  try to say it gently and clearly so that the other person can hear it.

Sensitivity.  know where the buttons are and be careful not to push them.

Persistence. Staying married takes time, determination, and hard work.

Forgiveness. Forgive your partner and forgive yourself too.

Teamwork. Help each other grow.

Conclusion

Some young couples fooled by the of dating, enter into marriage thinking that things will just flow. When things start going wrong they start wondering how people manage to stay married for so long. The truth is the only way to stay married is recognize that marriage involves work and be willing to invest in your marriage.

Featured Image: QuotesGram

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