For most of his childhood, Emmanuel Ayieko knew something was different about his family, but he did not have the words to explain it. He knew that his mother was “sick.” She visited a clinic every month and took medication daily. He knew that when she stopped taking her medication, something changed; she would withdraw, stop speaking and sometimes struggle to take care of herself. What he did not know was why.

“It was very clear that I don’t have a normal family, but it wasn’t clear why,” Emmanuel says.

Growing up in a home where mental health was never openly discussed, Emmanuel and his siblings had to navigate a reality they did not understand. They witnessed their mother’s struggles but were never given an explanation that would help them process what was happening around them. In a society where mental illness was often whispered about rather than discussed, the family carried the weight of confusion, fear, and silence.

Today, Emmanuel is a chef, entrepreneur and mental health advocate. He is the director of Exquisite Eats, a catering company he founded, and he uses his personal experiences to encourage conversations around mental wellness. However, behind the confidence of the advocate he has become is the story of a young boy who was forced to grow up too quickly, carrying responsibilities far beyond his years.

Emmanuel’s early childhood, he says, was filled with happiness. His father worked as a banker at Barclays, which was one of the largest banks in the country at the time, and the family enjoyed a comfortable life. They moved from one place to another because of his father’s work and Emmanuel remembers a childhood where his needs were met.

“I think I had the best childhood,” he recalls. “Used to get everything I needed. I was a very spoiled kid.”

But that life slowly began to change when his father lost his job. The family’s financial situation shifted, and the privileges they once enjoyed became things they could no longer afford. Eventually, they returned to the village, marking the beginning of a completely different chapter.

“No one used to tell us what was happening. You just noticed the changes,” he says.

The greatest challenge, however, was not the loss of comfort but what was happening within their home. Emmanuel’s mother was living with depression, but as a child, all he understood was that she was unwell.

“She used to go for clinics every month. She used to take medication every day. But no one talked about what her condition was, why she was taking medication, or why she had to keep going to the clinic,” he explains.

Whenever his mother stopped taking her medication, the family experienced difficult seasons. Emmanuel remembers moments when she would become withdrawn, stop speaking, and lose interest in eating or engaging with daily activities.

“As a child, you are thinking, I want to go outside and play, but you have to be there. You don’t have a choice,” he says.

For Emmanuel and his siblings, childhood became a period of learning how to care for their mother while still trying to be children themselves. They took turns looking after her, encouraging her to eat, and trying to understand what was happening.

“You are parenting your parent,” Emmanuel says. “You are telling them, ‘Please eat. Please, Mum.’”

The experience left them with many unanswered questions. He remembers moments when he and his sister would go somewhere private and cry, wondering whether they had done something wrong or whether they could have prevented what was happening.

“We used to ask ourselves, ‘What have we done? Is it because we didn’t do this when she asked us?’ There were so many questions than answers.”

As he grew older, Emmanuel began to understand that mental illness does not only affect the person experiencing it. It affects the entire family system.

“When someone is suffering from mental health in the family, it affects more than that person. It affects the spouse, the children, and everyone coming into that space,” he says.

In school, the lack of understanding made the situation even harder. Emmanuel knew that his family was different, and other children noticed too. Because nobody had explained his mother’s condition, he struggled to explain it himself.

“People would ask, ‘What is happening to your mother?’ But even you don’t know the answer. She is sick, that is all you know,” he says.

Over time, Emmanuel began isolating himself because he feared judgment and did not know how to explain his reality.

“Even bringing friends home was difficult because some days she was normal and some days there was this whole other person. We restricted ourselves a lot.”

Looking back, Emmanuel says his father was also affected by the challenges the family was facing. The pressure of financial struggles and caring for a spouse living with mental illness took a toll on him.

“There were moments when it took a toll on him and he would take it out on us,” Emmanuel says.

He believes that part of the problem was a lack of awareness and support around mental health.

“When we were growing up, no one told you about mental health. People thought you were either normal or crazy.”

The turning point in Emmanuel’s life came during high school when his family situation changed completely. His mother became unwell, and at the same time, he was sent home because of unpaid school fees. His father, who was a pastor, asked him to take his mother back to the village as he attended a conference, promising that they would later return to school.

For Emmanuel, it was supposed to be temporary.

“I thought I was going for a weekend and coming back to school on Monday,” he says.

But his father never returned.

He called repeatedly, using his mother’s phone and other numbers, but his calls went unanswered. Sometimes, when his father realised it was him calling, he would hang up.

“I think what I didn’t know was that someone was making it very clear, ‘I don’t want anything to do with you,’ and you don’t understand why.”

Suddenly, Emmanuel had to adjust to a new reality. He became responsible for finding ways to survive and support his family.

“At that point, I didn’t know I was the new breadwinner. It was just a matter of we need to live today and tomorrow,” he says.

He searched for opportunities wherever he could find them, washing cars, helping people carry goods, and looking for small jobs to make ends meet.

“We were just trying to grab onto something everywhere we could.”

Despite the challenges, Emmanuel continued his education. He moved from boarding school to day school because it was more affordable and received support from organisations that helped clear part of his school fees. Teachers who understood his situation also played a role in helping him continue.

“I didn’t drop out, but it was on and off. It was a lot of going home because of fees.”

The emotional burden, however, remained heavy. Emmanuel carried anger towards his father, his circumstances, and even himself.

“I was angry with people, angry with God and angry with myself. I was also hard on myself.”

Unknown to many people around him, Emmanuel was also fighting his own mental health battles.

In high school, he experienced periods of deep sadness and hopelessness. Through guidance and counselling, he began to understand that what he was experiencing had a name and that he needed help.

But there were moments when the pain became unbearable.

“I have attempted to take my life more than three times in high school,” he reveals.

At the time, he felt like he was a burden to those around him.

“I used to ask myself, ‘If I die now, at least they will just bury me and move on with their lives. I won’t be requiring them to pay these fees.’”

Today, Emmanuel speaks about those moments not as a source of shame but as part of his healing journey. Through therapy, self-reflection, and learning to express his emotions, he has found a way forward.

His experiences have shaped his mission as a mental health advocate. He believes that changing the conversation around mental health begins with simple acts of care.

“You don’t have to be big for you to do something on mental health. You can just start by asking someone, ‘How are you feeling today? What is going on in your life?’”

For Emmanuel, strength is not about carrying every burden alone.

“We grew up knowing that if you carry your things on your own and don’t share them, you are strong. But strength comes from allowing people in so they can help you carry the burden.”

Today, Emmanuel carries the lessons from his past into his work, his business, and his relationships. His journey has taught him that healing is possible and that no one should have to suffer in silence.

“The biggest lesson my mother’s journey taught me is that it is okay not to be okay,” he says.

A lesson he now hopes more families will embrace: that mental health struggles are not a weakness, and asking for help is not a failure, but a step towards healing.