Having sex for the first time, whether as a virgin or with someone new, can be nerve wrecking. This is understandable. You are charting an unknown territory so it will feel a bit scary. The good news is that you do not have to let the nervousness stifle you from having a great time. We tell you how to make first time sex less awkward.
The way you imagine your first-time sex with your dream partner is pretty different from how the real action will play out. You may want to please your partner and give them an out of this world sexual experience. You may also want them to come back for more. Your reputation and sexual prowess are at stake and getting it right the first time can put some bit of pressure on you.
If you are reading this, you may have to forget all that you have watched in those steamy movie scenes. The multiple orgasms, the melodious moaning and groaning, the picture-perfect sex face, synchronised pounding, the scratching, the biting… all that jazz is not possible with a new partner or virgin experience.
Do not be dismayed. We are not here to shutter your fantasies. A lackluster first time does not spell doom for your sex life. It takes some bit of practice and getting to know your partner better to have great sex. It also takes trust and being comfortable in your own skin, to beat all the awkwardness that accompanies first time sex.
Thankfully, there are things you can do to avoid the pitfalls of an awkward first time, assuming that the other person is not completely awful or a sex maniac. Below are tips that can help break the chills and ensure a pretty decent first time.
It is absolutely important to ensure that you are ready to get down and dirty before you actually have sex. You have to prepare yourself both physically and emotionally to have a less awkward first time. Do you need to bathe before the deed? Brush up? Are you comfortable with your partner? Are you okay with them seeing you naked for the first time? This means seeing your flaws - your stretchmarks, cellulite or your not so endowed penis? All these questions have to be answered in the affirmative to increase your chances of great sex. When you are not ready for it, sex will be a source of great anxiety and stress.
Take it easy
What normally happens when you are jittery and anxious about sex is that you tend to get into your own head and everything else compounds into a little ball of nerves. Take a deep breath to calm your nerves. In order for you and your partner to really enjoy yourselves, you have to get it out of your heads that you will have a 10 out of 10 sexual encounter for the first time. It is important to understand that you do not owe anyone a great first-time sex. You should not feel pressured to do anything that you are not ready for. Do not beat yourself up trying to get the perfect position or bust the killer moves you watched or read about. Always move at your own pace and try to focus more on the sensations you are feeling in the moment.
Avoid over-analysing everything
So you went ahead and had the shocker of your life. The much anticipated encounter turned out to be a measly one minute of an uncoordinated mess. I mean, it was over and done with within seconds. To be totally honest, you were expecting more than that. You feel a little cheated at how it turned out but hey you are still alive and that is what matters. Rather than focusing on the nitty gritty of what went wrong, who did or didn’t do what, switch your attention to getting to know the other person better. Accept that it was not the best session and learn from it.
Another great tip to make things less awkward is not thinking too much of what will happen during your encounter. Do not be too concerned with how your face will look like, if your hair is perfect or how your voice sounds when moaning; just go with the flow. Be yourself. Get wild, have fun and own the moment!
Back to the basics
Generally speaking, it is a good thing to stick to the basics when you start having sex. Take time to discover yourself and partner. Take time to know what you and your partner like and how you like it done. This is where foreplay comes in handy. Instead of jumping right into action, discover your partner’s pleasure spots and engage in some kinky conversation. A good foreplay session enables you to get more comfortable and in the mood. It is also when you go back to the basics that you can develop your own sexual persona. Are you a screamer or silent lover? Are you into cosplay (dressing up)? Do handcuffs and whips turn you on? When you know yourself, you will be more comfortable voicing out your preferences to your partner.
Communication hits the right spot
Sex is usually much more fun to engage in than blurb about. With all the emotions and hormones involved, there is little or no time to talk. But it is those awkward and random conversations around sex that actually matter and set the tone of the relationship. There is totally nothing wrong or unsexy about asking your partner how they like things. You also get to understand their tastes and preferences, their fears and also their health status.
There is nothing as awkward as finding out your partner has an STI before or during sex. Being candid with a new partner takes balls. It makes you feel vulnerable as you do not know how your partner will view you after learning the truth about you. Without communication, your relationship and encounters will be left to mere guess work and faking, which is a recipe for disaster. If you are feeling a bit jittery, express yourself to your partner beforehand. It is not worth putting up a brave face and pretending that everything is fine but deep inside you are having a nervous meltdown.
Save the advanced tricks for later
You do not want to scare your new partner by pulling out your kinkiest moves the first time you meet. If you consider yourself a Don Juan but are with a new partner, please consult them before pulling out your advanced tricks. You may want to think twice before choking, name calling, slapping, sex toys, bondage and all those tricks you have accumulated over the years. Your new partner may not necessarily be having the same enthusiasm as you. Such things deserve a candid conversation and consent must be given first.
Confidence is sexy
It might sound silly but ensuring you are confident before having sex for the first time is quite important. If you have to slip into that racy lingerie, sip on a glass of wine or listen to some spicy background music, by all means do it. Do whatever you need to do to loosen up. When you feel sexy and confident, there is no room for awkwardness. Confidence beats skill and techniques anytime!
Laughter is the best medicine
Sex is full of awkward moments some of which are downright hilarious. There are funny noises and moments that accompany this great activity. For example, what do you do when one of you farts during intercourse? Do you proceed as if nothing happened? What if that killer position that you thought you had mastered backfires on you?
The best way to ensure everyone enjoys themselves and to break that awkwardness is to acknowledge the trip up and have a laugh at it. A word of caution though, whatever you choose to laugh about, please ensure it will be received on a light note. Laughing about the shape or size of your partner’s body (parts) or lack of erection is not advisable.
First time sex does not need to be awkward. If you ever feel embarrassed or uncomfortable with your new partner, remind yourself that you are both here because you like each other and want to make each other feel good.