“My Husband Still Wets the Bed” – The Silent Struggle of Adult Bedwetting

When Shiro (not her real name) got married, she thought adjusting to her husband’s snoring would be her biggest challenge. But a few months in, she started noticing something odd, damp sheets in the morning.

“At first, I thought maybe he spilled water or sweat too much,” she recalls. “But it kept happening. Eventually, I realised my husband was bedwetting  and it broke my heart because he was so ashamed of it.”

Like many partners, Shiro didn’t know how to bring up the topic without embarrassing him. Her husband became distant, sleeping on the edge of the bed, changing sheets in the middle of the night, and sometimes pretending to fall asleep on the couch.

“He’s a good man, but this one thing made him so withdrawn. It’s like he lost a piece of his confidence,” she says softly.

Shiro’s story is not as rare as it sounds. Experts say between 1–2% of adults struggle with nocturnal enuresis, commonly known as bedwetting, yet most suffer in silence due to shame and fear of judgment.

Why Adults Still Wet the Bed

While most people associate bedwetting with children, adults can also experience it for a variety of reasons.
According to Dr. Collins Karanja, a Nairobi-based urologist, adult bedwetting can result from:

• Medical issues like urinary tract infections, diabetes, or an overactive bladder.

• Sleep disorders such as sleep apnea.

• Emotional stress or trauma.

• Genetic factors — if one or both parents experienced it, there’s a higher chance their child might too.

“We often think it’s a psychological issue, but many times, there’s an underlying medical cause,” Dr. Karanja explains. “That’s why it’s important to see a doctor instead of suffering in silence.”

The Emotional Weight of Secrecy

For adults, the hardest part isn’t just the act,  it’s the emotional toll it takes.
Bedwetting can trigger feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety. Some avoid relationships or intimacy altogether.

“I stopped going for work trips that required sharing accommodation,” confesses Paul, 34. “I was tired of lying about allergies or stomach issues. I just couldn’t risk anyone finding out.”

That fear of being discovered can easily spiral into depression or affect one’s marriage, especially when communication breaks down. Partners often interpret the withdrawal as rejection, not realising it’s rooted in embarrassment.

Seeking Help, Not Hiding

The good news is that adult bedwetting can be managed and treated. Doctors recommend:

1. Medical check-up: Rule out infections, bladder issues, or diabetes.

2. Lifestyle adjustments: Reduce caffeine and alcohol before bedtime, and limit evening fluids.

3. Bladder training: Gradually increasing the time between bathroom visits during the day.

4. Counselling or therapy: Especially if stress or past trauma is suspected.

“When patients come in early, we can often treat the cause within weeks or months,” says Dr. Karanja. “The key is breaking the silence.”

How Partners Can Support

If your spouse or partner struggles with bedwetting:

• Don’t mock or shame them, it only makes things worse.

• Offer emotional support and help them seek professional care.

• Protect their privacy. Avoid turning it into gossip or frustration.

“The goal is to remind them they’re loved and supported,” says Dr. Karanja. “This is a medical issue, not a moral failure.”

Breaking the Stigma

Adult bedwetting is one of those topics no one talks about , yet it affects thousands of Kenyans.
Behind every hidden mattress protector or excuse about spilled water is someone silently praying they won’t be found out.

Jane’s husband is now getting treatment, and she says their relationship is healing.

“It took honesty, a doctor’s visit, and a lot of grace,” she smiles. “I wish people knew it’s not something to be ashamed of.”

So if you or someone you love is going through this,  remember, it’s okay to ask for help. You’re not alone, and there’s no shame in healing.