Are We Loving or Performing?

In the heart of Nairobi, love isn’t just about handwritten letters or weekend strolls anymore. It is fast-paced and performative, perpetuated by influencers.

It’s picture-perfect couple moments on Instagram, declarations on X, and heartbreaks on Facebook; relationships today are theatrics.

In a world where likes, shares, and comments are social validations, one has to ask, are we experiencing love, or are we performing it?

Social media has transformed relationships, no lie. Behind the filters and lengthy romantic captions is a deeper conversation: the impact of validation-seeking, comparison culture, and online trends on relationships today.

Are Kenyan couples prioritizing authenticity, or is the pressure to curate a perfect love story taking over?

Effects of social media on relationships

The rise of social media and Western influence has encouraged couples to document their relationships and post them, turning personal moments into online affairs. From romantic anniversary posts to extravagant surprises, love stories are told through perfectly framed images and captions Casanova could only dream of.

While there’s nothing wrong with celebrating love in this manner, it creates the illusion that relationships should always be perfect. Behind the scenes, the reality might be different. Often, partners struggle with unresolved issues or personal challenges that they won’t tell because they don’t fit the picture-perfect narrative. Every human goes through it; nobody is special.

The pressure to maintain an “ideal” version of love for an audience overshadows the need for genuine connection.

Likes, comments, and shares have become social currency. Many couples unknowingly seek validation through online engagement. It has been so normalized that we miss it. A post garnering hundreds of likes affirms a strong relationship, while low engagement is an unworthy one.

The dependency on validation from people (not just on the internet) can affect how partners perceive their bond. It leads to the prioritization of public approval over emotional intimacy. When relationships depend on validation, couples risk losing what truly matters: themselves.

A couple then breaks up when they are not publicly approved. When their partner does not meet the public expectations, they find a better partner who would be approved. Just like that, fast and vanishing into thin air.

With viral challenges, social media has changed romantic expectations. Grand surprise gestures, public love declarations, and choreographed content have become the norm for loved ones expressing affection.

While these trends can be fun, they also contribute to a culture where relationships are measured in terms of whether you are worthy. This desire to participate in trending displays pushes couples into performative love, where moments are staged rather than being unique to a relationship.

What if your partner can’t get you a money bouquet, or your partner can’t jump on a trend? What then?

This is not to discourage sharing happy moments online, but the pressure to maintain an image of perfection is real. Many, therefore, shy away from posting real struggles, fearing judgment or comparison.

In reality, love is imperfect and has its challenges that we need not shy away from, but to be comfortable with. The beauty in relationships is going through stuff together, climbing mountains, and crossing valleys.

Find real love, talk to your partner, seek help when needed, and be genuine with each other. Everyone’s struggle is different, and comparing is just losing sight of what really matters.