The Silent Love: How African Parents Show They Care

In many African cultures, the phrase “I love you” is less a spoken and more a tapestry woven through daily actions, sacrifices, and expectations.

For children raised in these homes, the language of parental affection often exists in a realm of unspoken understanding, distinct from the verbal affirmations common in Western contexts.

Understanding these non-verbal expressions is key to appreciating the deep, enduring commitment of African parenthood.

Acts of service and provision

One of the most common ways African parents communicate love is through diligent provision and ensuring stability. Their commitment to securing a better future for their children is often the ultimate expression of care.

• Going to great lengths, often sacrificing their own comfort, to pay for the best schooling available. An expensive school fee is a vow, “I love you enough to ensure you have opportunities I didn’t.”

• A fridge or pantry full of food is a constant, tangible reminder of love. The focus is on making sure the child is never in need, communicating security and well-being.

• Ensuring children are neatly dressed, especially for events, is a matter of pride.

Food as affection

Food is a universal language of love, but in African homes, it carries weight, symbolising health, community, and care.

• Often, but not always, ensuring the child gets the most desired piece of meat, fish, or portion of a meal. Even if the parent secretly wanted it, the child’s enjoyment comes first.

• When a child is sick, the intensive, personalised preparation of traditional herbal remedies or nourishing soups is a deeply caring act, communicating, “Your health is my priority.”

• The sheer effort and time taken to prepare complex, traditional dishes, often specific favourites, is a laborious declaration of devotion.

Protection and strict discipline

They are strict and excessively worry, often rooted in a fierce, protective love. The goal is usually to equip the child with the character and resilience needed to thrive in a tough world.

• Constant checking in, strict curfews, and intense interest in their child’s social circles are not just attempts to control, but an attempt to shield them from potential harm or bad influences.

• While often misunderstood, disciplinary measures are generally intended to instil values like respect, diligence, and integrity. They teach the importance of “good character”

• High expectations in academics and future career paths are an expression of confidence.

Pride and indirect praise

Direct praise is often reserved, as there is a fear that excessive flattery could lead to arrogance. Instead, love is communicated more subtly.

• The ultimate sign of parental approval is when they brag about their child’s accomplishments to their friends, family members, or neighbours. Hearing a parent proudly recount your success to your auntie is the closest thing to a direct “I love you.”

• A small, satisfied nod, a soft smile, or a disposition when you’ve done well speaks volumes.

• Teaching the child their native language, cultural traditions, history, and family stories is a profound act of love, saying: “You are my legacy, and I want you to know who you are and where you come from.”

While the lack of verbal affirmation can sometimes create a disconnect, understanding these acts reveals a love that is deeply rooted in the well-being and future success of the child.

It is a love expressed through the enduring commitment of their lives not words.

Also Read: Balancing Career And Parenthood: Tips From Working Parents